the sinner's prayer

I should probably have written this before my previous entry but nobody really cares. I was told to go for this particular service by none other than the City Harvest Church because of a particular guest appearing there for an annual event. What's the name of that guy again? Mike something... Cornell! Yes, Mike Cornell. Got that from my msn log of xian. I was told it'll be really cool and scary, yes I know those 2 don't exactly come together but I really really do not give a shit.

So I went with Kenneth and Zong~Zong. And they wanted to go down to the front of the stage from our seats to be delivered. Don't expect me to be left behind with a whole bunch of screaming jumping praying people so of course I followed them. It's a mess I tell you, people are falling, as in collapse! boom! right there at my feet. It triggered quite a number of what the fucks, yes yes I'm in the house of God yada yada yada no shit who cares, people are stepping on my toes and that really pisses me off. So I stood there and by now Kenneth and Zong~Zong are somewhere in the crowd of eager packages, waiting to be delivered, ok that's really lame. Then I spotted Kenneth lying on the ground amoungst people, girls, looking very much in pain and his pants are half way down his ass rendering his boxers exposed, checkered and all. I went over and nudged him awake and asked what the hell happened and he responded with his usual it's-like-I'm-hit-by-a-truck routine, no surprise there. So he led me to try it out, and that I did.

So I stood there with my eyes close, as I'm supposed to, and then this guy reaches over and puts on hand on the area just under my breastbone, not quite the stomach yet, and started praying very very close to my ear, probably because it's so noisy there I really really can't hear shit if you don't shout. So I waited and listened to every word, nothing happened. I remain standing, no surprise there too.

So I waited and after a while this Chinese guy came over and asked me what I wanted him to pray for me for. To which I replied, jus praying in general. No in general he says and went on to elaborate with a few questions of whether I worship any idols at home or whatever which I thought I’m a free thinker without a religion what the fuck? So I replied that I don’t have any of such idols at home and he went on with are you Christian. No. Do you want to invite Jesus into your heart? Understand that at that moment I’m standing there pretty much alone with this guy with people falling down all around me and I thought what the hell, erm… ok. With that he led me to one side, and the first thing that struck me was what the fuck did I do this time and what have I gotten myself into? I thought that he’ll lead me to a room with that fabled brain-washing device but no. We stood at the side of the stage and he said this, repeat after me. And so I did. It was really noisy and I really couldn’t hear some of his words clearly so I made up what fits to fill the gap, nothing major just a few words here and there.

So after the deed is done. He called out to this guy and told me he’s a cell group leader, no shit! I’m in it deep now! Lucky for me, Kenneth was there and he bailed me out by saying that he’ll lead me to his cell group leader, who obviously doesn’t exist since he’s not from CHC anymore. I’m really thankful for that and I’m really glad I didn’t get any weird calls.

So there you have it, I didn’t know what I said until I was told by Kenneth later that it’s the sinner’s prayer. He also pointed out that the guy that prayed for, with, me is Pastor Tan, second in command of CHC or something like that and it’s supposed to be damn cool. That’s it, I’m now a “brother” in Kenneth’s words but seriously, I don’t think it means anything unless I know what exactly I’m saying before I actually say it.

I’m the only prophet here so don’t go thinking you’re right or whatever and conclude that you’re right for thinking that I’ll be Christian eventually. Xian you are still type 2.

people always say I'm mean

It's true, I'll say weird shit or bad stuff about other people, most of the time I don't even know them. And when I do know them, it just makes it worse doesn't it? So people around me will be obliged to tell me off and bring to my attention, not that I don't know it in the first place, that I'm not being nice to whoever and that I'm in fact mean and bad in the words of them. To which I will agree. I am being bad and mean to whoever it is, it's a fact. Putting it in words doesn't change anything does it? What's interesting is that everyone will be morally correct when they point it out to me but none of them ever disagree with me. See the thing is, I may be mean and bad but I'm not lying. When I state the obvious or bring to light what most people will avoid in the hope of being nice to the unfortunately someone, I'm being mean but no one can disagree. You can say that I'm mean and all but you can't defend the subject because what I said is true!

stone

I've been doing that a lot lately. To just sit and do nothing. It's in fact much more appealing to me than most of the other activities normal people go for since, well, I'm pretty much broke until the next pay day. To stone alone is just lame so I've got a few friends that'll stone with me once in a while. To stone is not to be void of activity, as long as it doesn't get too physical, it's fine. Pictionary is physical, so that kind of narrows down the scope of activities done while stoning don't you think? Because stoning requires that little energy, I can stone all night. Which is exactly what happened and it turned out to be pretty cool. All the catching up with old friends and to know about stuff you'd otherwise never find out in a normal conversation with a fixed topic in mind.

When meeting up with an old friend, you haven't really talked with before, whose impression of you is pretty much centered around a particular amphibian you gave as a present many years ago, there's no better ice breaker than a pet iguana. It's as eeky to one who doesn't like amphibians but not as slimy and it stands out like an errection in a gay bar. Ok, wrong analogy but seriously, quite fitting don't you think?

It takes more than a little girl with braces wielding a flashlight with whatever supposedly scary miscellaneous accessories to scare any sensible adult college student. Don't you think so xian? Haw Par Villa should work damn fine, that or this. Not for those with a weak heart, weak bladder, diarrhea, kidney failure, braces, christians, above or under the age of 18. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

it's all for me

Sometimes, things are just staring you in the face and you never see it until someone tells you it's right there.

Which is easier, to lose or to never have? What ifs scares me to hell you know, all along I live in fear that someday what I should have done would come right back and smack me in the face. All along I thought that it's better to give up and move on to greener pastures, that in my short life as a human in this world,I've got to experience everything, as much as I can. So recently I've been really confused. There's no way to put what I have in mind down in words. In a nut shell, I lost somethings and those are pretty damn hard to give up. But everyone is telling me I should, everyone I know and care for. What if for this once, I'm wrong? That just brings me to all those times I might've been wrong too. What if all these years, I've been living with nothing but a lie.

What if you are the only thing that can remind someone else of who that person was before everything changed. And all this time, you're just worried that everything that someone lost will never ever be reclaimed if you leave? Then comes the question, what if that someone doesn't want it back? Then everything you do will only be for yourself and everything you believe in is nothing.

Which is harder, living a lie or knowing it?

One Tree Hill :: Nathan Scott - I realise now that when your heart breaks you gotta fight like hell to make sure you're still alive, cause you are. And that pain you feel is life. The confusion and fear, that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better and that something is worth fighting for.

One Tree Hill :: Peyton Sawyer - Yes, losing your heart's desire's tragic, but gaining you heart's desire is all you can hope for.

never too late

That's just my excuse for writing about this so late but, well, who cares? Right?

It's never too late to start somethings, like catching up on stuff that's happend the last few years we haven't seen one another. It's pretty cool to talk about the past, to say things I've been wanting to say, and to know stuff that's always been bugging me, or just curious about at that.

And so it turned out pretty well considering that everything's done pretty much within the last week. In fact, the chalet-bbq-gathering pretty much rock! The first night at least, the next day and night is just a small bunch of us doing mundane stuff, walking trails, looking for the Earth Dragon. Then there's the 3 hour interrogation at Sakae which is really damn fun too.

I was having this conversation with Weiyi about the times in dhs and why I don't feel the need or the urge to just go back there and sit around and chill, and I kind of said something that is really pretty cool but I never would've noticed it if it wasn't pointed out to me. So I was saying, I didn't really need to go back there because what most people go back for would be to remind themselves of all the memories and stuff. I don't need to do that, everything that makes my life great at DHS is still here; it's more of a everyone at that. We still hang out and do stuff all the time, DHS is just a place and it'll always just be a location, it's really nothing much unless the people I spent my time with there are there.

This entry is all very girly-me so I'll do a less extravagant version of it, thanks for being there everyone. Totally girly-me.

some really weird shit

So I had nothing to do and hence went to Sim Lim with Jia Hong & Weng for whatever god forsaken reason. And we saw some pretty ironic shit there. Being the budget friendly place most of you know it to be, there are some really cheap stuff there, what’s weird is not what’s sold but rather the products it shelves.

We saw a pair of “Professional Earphones with Microphone” that comes in a fancy box with the picture of a girl and said pair of headphones photoshoped onto her, going for $10.

Sometimes people are just so full of shit. Everything can be counterfeited, including the iPod shuffle. We saw this mp3 player called the “Super Tangent” and it looks like, none other than, the iPod shuffle. In fact, I thought it was some new Shuffle condom-like product with a fancy name and cool over-sized boxed with the player being the dummy used to show how it’ll look on a shuffle. I was wrong. When Weng pointed it out to me I was like what the fuck? But I apparently looked like I wanted to know more about it since the sales person went rambling on and on about the features. The only reason Weng pointed it out was because it’s so lame.

But nothing beats what I’m about to pollute you with.
This.



The iPod shuffle dock. Probably the most useless thing I’ve ever seen. It’s like getting a dock for your thumbdrive. STUPID!! Why the fuck would anyone spend money on a fancy looking USB cable extension? It’s, as far as I know, the most useless accessory EVER!

one tree hill

It's so good it's trashy. Ok I take that back, it was good THEN it became trashy, not as trashy as The OC but trashy anyways. Well, maybe not that trashy but all that high school drama is getting on my nerves. They fuck around so much without much thinking but it takes forever to sort things out when 2 people actually love each other, now if that's not stupid, I don't know what is.

Now here's something you all can use, probably sometime in the future since it's just not fair if you read it here, where it kicks so much ass, and don't get to use it somewhere.

I never meant to hurt you.

That doesn't really matter (input name), `cause in the end it just hurts all the same.

Here's an apple for those that thinks that I just gave you all a spoiler I shouldn't have. If you can't see it, you're probably stupid since that's the exact same thing that made you think that I should put a "spoiler alert".

mesmerise

Who would have thought that I'd actually go to the concert by Sengoku Gakuen College of Music Wind Ensemble after all that I did to try and give the tickets away.

I was never a fan of the auxiliary percussion instruements, they always appear to me to be, well, auxiliary, not very important. Not that I'm any more of a fan now but at that concert I was.

I'd never imagine that anyone can play the tambourine that well, with such grace that it's mesmerising. Mesmerising's the word to use here since that's exactly how I felt when I saw her play. I don't know her name and I don't think I'll ever see her again but I'll be damned if I ever forget that night I watch her play. You know that feeling you get when something catches your attention and you know that's the best you'll ever see or experience, sounding like sex already but nevermind, of that? Same feeling when I saw her play. After that piece, my eyes never left her for long, thanks to the mesmerising grace, a certain quality, the X factor in tambourine manipulation, she possess. Not to forget that she's just so damn cute! I can keep her in my pocket and bring her home!

And no it's not just me! I'm not the only one that noticed her playing so fuck off to those that think I'm one of those shallow hals that see nothing beneath the skin.

Fantastic 4

Farn-tars-tic four, as the brits will say, great movie. It's not prefect, some of the jokes are a tat too cheesy, which is not good for diarrea diarrhoea according to the amazing caves, but it's a fine movie on the whole.

You know I watch too much Discovery Channel when I know the answer to every damn "Chemistry 101" question raised in the movie.

Everyone's got stuff you don't talk to them about, like peace with George Bush, bloggers with Maddox, breasts with the amazing caves, moles with fontane, chin lee with kenneth, etc.

For me, it falls cleaning cleanly into 2 categories, according to kenneth.
Band stuff, tech. & comp. stuff. Simply because I don't know when to stop. I'll 1 up the list with God. You don't talk to me about God because of stuff like this.

Stepping out of the car, I look up to be greeted by a gigantic neon-edge crucifix, obviously unlit in the middle of the afternoon, followed by a door marked by the words "Victory Family Centre". Yes it's not a dream, as much as I wanted it to be, I was standing on Christian premise, otherwise known as holy ground. My presence there was not without reason or rhyme, I was cornered on all sides and bounded by a bond made not by me. Thankfully, I'm not sure if this is anymore accurate than Nostradamus' armageddon prediction, I was not alone. Leading the way was one of the twins, followed by none other than pst. Kenneth himself. Stepping into the building, I felt no change nor revelation, the first thing that came to my mind was however, what's with the escalator? And on that we rode to the 2nd storey, where everything, not much, took place.

I'm not about to start a feminist movement but I sincerely feel for all the women that get the monthly cramps. The helplessness I felt with the wrenching pain that come and go in pulses cannot be accurately portrayed with words. The closest I can get is FUCKING PAIN!! I sat with Kenneth at what I can only assume to be the lounge, complete with sofas and cushions, a fus ball table which I trashed Kenneth at, some tables covered with mahjiong paper for any artistic relief by anyone, many people drew images of shit thinking it's amusing, it would have been if I was 7, and a counter that sells hotdogs and drinks.

There was much loitering around, exploring on my part as I walk through the few corridors and gaze into the many empty rooms filled with nothing. I wasn't looking for anything in particular but I guess I was secretly hoping to find some stowed away brain washing device, maybe on a smaller scale relative to the one owned by the City Harvest cult. As you should know by now, considering that I wrote it just a little while ago, that I have diarrea, I spent sometime in the toilet doing number 2. Kenneth had diarrea diarrhoea too so when he came in and announced that the people are praying in tongues, wasn't surprised, and that yixian forbid me to enter, not knowing that I was, at that time, busy making shit. It was early and I did what I do best, just to make my point, and did for them an ambigram that says "edge". Some ill informed people do not know what ambigrams are and that was corrected by none other than yours truely.

The service eventually started with quite an audience. They went straight into a song to begin with and another to go. The lead singer was this huge guy, form New Zealand I was told, which sang a little off key and was relatively flat on the higher register thus resulting in a couple of diminished 7th cords chords( do you seriously think I know what this is?) and making me cringe. I like the songs, really, but I felt it would have been very much better.

We first moved to the front to make faces at yixian hoping she would screw up but so sad for us, she didn't, not surprised since she can jump, sing and play the keyboard at the same time, amazing. We then proceeded to the back where I can not get killed if I laugh out loud.

Standing at the back, I was able to observe the rest of the crowd. You know the scenerio you see on TV with regards to rock concerts with the fans and audience singing along and jumping for no reason, pretty much the same as what I saw. Quite a number of them did weird things with their hands while singing along with their eyes closed. The weird hand gestures are apparently acts of prayer. I have not no visual feed so you'll have to rely on your imagination for the image I'm about to paint. With the same vivid explaination given to me by Kenneth, the hand gestures can be classified into 3 distinct styles.

1. The hands cupping Moses Lim's tits style. Palms facing up at slightly above waist level, held a little away from the body. This is the I-feel-tired-so-I'm-kinda-resting-my-hands-but-I'm -still-praying style.

2. The hands in the air pushing Moses Lim up a tonner style. Palms facing up as usual but this time above the head. Very enthusiastic, everyone come smell my B.O. style.

3. The retro finger pointing. I get the idea God likes to be pointed at him since some people do it a lot. It gets to you when someone de does the Elvis gig without songs like "Jailhouse Rock".

Like in a trance, they swayed with the music chanting occasionally, some even crying for no apparant reason. I had fun observing the weird actions of some people, average joes doing weird stunts thinking no one cares, no one cares really. Some look stupid. If I have a video camera on me, I'd have taken some Ebaum's world worthy vids of some really psychomotor psychomotor people.

The pastor was a great speaker. He's charismatic and engaging cracking jokes as he address us. I'm beginning to understand the appeal of such services and probably scratching the surface as to why the religion appeals to so many clueless people who follow blindly. There are elements of truth in what he says and the engaging nature of the service makes people feel comfortable. I did not find the answers I seek but for those who believe, it will make them continue to believe. As for me, there's really nothing much I can disagree with but I also noticed that when the words "Jesus" are replaced with the name of anyone else, the content of what was taught will not change. If you believe in "Jesus", or whatever name was put in place, it will strengthen your faith.

garbage paint

It took a long long long long long long long long long long time to get this done and yet it still sucks so much...
really cheap finish, not something I'd usually do, to re-use a background but who cares... cheap finish indeed.

points of authority

It suddenly dawn on me that people I know can be classified using various ways, most of which can be easily represented into 3 distinct levels.

People who agree with me, People who eventually agree with me, People who are wrong.

People I like, People I'm neutral with, Sam.

my shortest entry yet.

You know how much I hate walking.
With you, I can walk forever...

Is there a God?

I haven't done my religion gig in a long time and I probably wouldn't have done this if not for some thought provoking article I happen to Stumble! upon. I'll post reproduce it here word for word, aka copy-&-paste, in case it ever gets removed in the future when someone reads this.



Source

In order to present the article true and unaltered, I did screenshots of it and pieced it together.
You can also get the PDF version here.

I'd first like to make it clear once again my stand on the existence of God. I belive in the existence of a greater being but not in Jesus. The title caught my attention and so I read. I actually agree to some of the points but probably in a different way. I'll break it down point by point, in order of my reading, it'll get a little messy as I refer back to her previously made points.

In point 1, she wrote that billions of people throughout history believed that God exists, I so agree. Ever culture have their own image of God and most of these cultures started off with 1 God, even those cultures with many gods have 1 God that is the most powerful. I'm not sure what this proves but apparently it's supposed to prove the existence of God. She quoted the Bible in her introductory passage which led me to conclude that she's a Christian which led me to wonder why this point, which suggests that different cultures have different Gods, will support her claim that God exists and that Jesus is the only way to God as illustrated in point 5 and 6.

I started to get skeptical at point 2 with all that she wrote about Earth. She first noted the unique position of earth, the unique configuration and blance of it's distance from the sun, it's size, composition and gravity, presence of water, and the distance and size of the moon. About life on earth and how impossible it is for every factor she mentioned to be at the right place at the right time. I will not disagree with her about life on earth and how the perfect balance sustains it however, the fact that she's talking about life on earth is the greatest flaw in her argument. I believe I can safely assume that from what she wrote, she's only taken into consideration life on earth, that water and air is essential to sustain life and that in order for there to be life, there must be oxygen in it's gaseous state and water in it's liquid form. There's also the assumption that life cannot exist beyond the range of temperatueres as experienced by that of the earth.

I believe that with the limitless possibilities of the universe, extra-terrestrial life can exist and as it's name suggest, not of earth. As off today, our perception of what aliens look like or behave is still largely influence by our impressions of earthlings. The fact that we portray aliens as humanoid beings is the best example. Now let's assume that water and oxygen is absolutely essential to sustain life, isn't it possible that life exists on a planet with gravity so strong and temperatures so low, it pressurises oxygen into liquid and life itself swims in the very air they breath?

She also wrote about the marvels of the human brain, which I personally think doesn't explain anything. Humans learn and knowledge is passed down through communication. The fact that the Bible still exists is the best example. Humans are not born with the knowledge we have today, we are not born with the ability to write or talk, we are born with the ability to function like any other creature in this world, to eat, sleep, shit, whatever. What sets us apart is our ability to learn and to create. The human brain is just another organ doing it's job in the human body. The brain of someone void of education and that of someone educated is the same when stripped of information, information not from an individual but from a history of probing and research, a train of thought enhanced and archived through generations.

Hence point 2, though lengthy, doesn't prove anything. It does however help bring out her argument in point 3. All the complexity cannot be a mere "chance". To brand all the seemingly random events with "chance" would be injustice. Creation is a highly complex orchestrated process of God, is that it? The fact that all of creation is constantly changing proves that God is sustaining life? The world today is in no way similar to when it first came about, it's constantly changing and improving, so to say, until what it is now. Can we then conclude that evolution is an act of God? If so, wouldn't it contradict the idea that God will not let any of his creations become extinct?

Point 4. Sociology, doesn't prove that God exists. Our supposed inherent sense of what's right and wrong originates from what benefits us and not. Whatever is to our advantage is right and whatever is not is wrong. It's that simple and it's not exclusive to humans. An animal will get pissed if you take his food away. The same animal will get pissed if you kill it's mate. However, not all creatures are like that, some feed on their mate, mantis & spiders, some eat their young, hamsters, all these acts may or may not be exclusive to the species. It's the same in human society. In some societies, it's normal to have an arranged marriage regardless of whether the person in subject is willing or not, it's right to them. However it's frowned upon in other societies and hence it's wrong. It's all relative and constantly evolving.

Point 5 and 6. I'll put these together since they both relate to the Christian faith. I'd like to point out once again that you can't prove something to be correct by what that something claims. You can't prove that Jesus in fact came back to life because it's recorded in the Bible when you only know of the event from the Bible itself. Why is it that miracles performed by other religious figures are dispelled as myths while that of Jesus really happened when everything is common? Why is Jesus the only path to God just because he said so? Sounding very much like a spoilt child don't you think?

1. God created the world we live in, and created us specifically to have a relationship with Him.
2. He deeply loves us.
3. We have sinned and are under God's judgment, in need of His forgiveness.
4. God provided a way for our sins to be forgiven.
5. He asks us to receive His forgiveness and have a relationship with Him that will last eternally.

Of the above 5 points, points 1, 2 & 5 are common in ALL religions involving a God. Points 3 and 4 are linked and can be applied to other religions as well. When you sin in other religions, there are ways for you to repent and be saved, as in Christian context. The difference is that for Christians, you are born sinned and you are saved even before you are born. Doesn't make sense to you? Doesn't make sense to me either.

I spent close to 2 hours writing this, mainly because I can and also largely because I'm bored.
With reference to my last statement,

"Although the SAF has not been called to battle, precious sons and daughters have been lost in the process of serving the country. Let us observe a minute of silence to remember our comrades in arms."

What's your point?!