i'm so bored... somebody kill me now...

numbers

2006-02-12T23:53:00.000+08:00

Experiencing some server problems with ickystuff, linhosting had better get it fixed before I put a lance through their heads.

My headache is killing me. I reckon that if someone were to drill a hole in my skull, brain juices would start squirting out, easing the pressure(cause of the pain) that's building up in my head. If not I'd be satisfied if someone would just pass me a knife so I get to stab a certain someone that's been annoying the shit out of me. The adrenaline would probably ease the pain for a short while so I figured that if I keep stabbing, non-stop, the pain would go away.

The next time some desperate dipshit ask me for the phone number of some girl they know I know but they themselves don't know, I'd make them dance the dance with the launcher in my hand and my stash of poison tipped harpoons, each leathal enough to kill a blue whale. You probably still wouldn't be able to survive even if you have a dick the size of a bus and the metabolic rate of a rock.

Ickystuff

2006-01-21T11:23:00.000+08:00

Ickystuff.net is now official.
That means I'll be posting rubbish there.
It also means this place is now a void, a piece of what I call history.
But all is not lost. negoki.ickystuff.net
Yes I know it's not the best of skins and it's not even remotely close to what I am but hey, it's what I call a default template downloaded from the wordpress website.

Will do a custom skin soon but then again maybe I'll never get to doing it much like all those times I say I'll probably CG some of my works.

Rolling Bomber Special

2005-12-25T02:50:00.000+08:00

A short film making fun of the power rangers genre.
Must see! Damn funny.

Download (13.1 MB)

loop holes

2005-12-24T01:28:00.000+08:00

5 years in the making and the story of MessiahZ is pretty much shit. Even I can't remember a bulk of what was previously discussed as far as the story is concerned. There's no fixed setting and the background story is virtually non-existent. I thought that everything would come naturally the moment I start drawing but no it doesn’t, not if I want it to make sense. So after some thought I’ve decided to revamp the story into something more than what a 15 year old can conceive, that’s how old I was when I though of it.

The original MessiahZ was named such in reference to the Christian faith, many of the associations should be considered blasphemy but at that time, it’s just cool. Because it was largely character oriented, a bulk of the story was thought up of in order to piece and relate the characters and in the process, there’s this huge mess. Now that I know more about shit and stuff, some things just didn’t make sense.

Imagine a world in the near future in some ways very much like ours but without religion. The advancement in the various fields of technology and medicine are nothing like we can imagine. In this world, everyone lives in comfort without the need for any manual labour, those are taken care of by machines. Everyone is an intellect and everyone works in their various fields for the advancement of man kind. With all human resources devoted to research and development, the growth of technology is exponential.

Religion is now history, categorized under myths and legends in the history textbooks used by the youths. With more awareness, people have come to recognize that religion is nothing more that mythology and stories told by our ancestors as a convenient answer to questions they couldn’t yet explain.

However this façade of a picture perfect world hides a reality none of those living in comfort would ever want to know of. As humans, we can never stray from politics, from power. The struggle for control, for dominance still exists. It would be arrogant to think that peace did not come with a price; we are after all only human. The battle between good and evil, light and dark, did not stop with the absence of religion, cliché as it sounds.

The “Noah’s Journal” was kept safely by Metatron, however the prophecy within was duplicated when it was in Airlantian custody. Encoded into a crystal, the information remained fossilized within the ruins of Airlantian until an archeological expedition uncovered it. It took many years before the information was successfully read and even then, it took even longer before the information was translated into that we are able to understand. It foretold everything up until the birth of the MessiahZ. It spoke of the powers the MessiahZ and the angels wield and that struck fear in the existing powers. And the search begins. The search to protect and the hunt to annihilate.

Any injury can be healed without any visible traces but there is a limit to the number of times it can be done. What happens is that cells are rapidly multiplied artificially in the healing process so even when all injuries can be healed, humans are still unable to attain immortality. As written in “Noah’s Journal”, the MessiahZ and the angels are perfect entities. In this case untouched by modern medicine. Because their powers only awaken when they are 15, anyone without a medical history then automatically become targeted and are subjected to investigation. To make this search even easier, a injury prone activity was introduced to the masses. NEGAV, a chimera of various activities.

I hope the above plug some of the loop holes I left in the story of MessiahZ, linking bits of it and making sense of it.

PS. I want the Sousei no Aquarion Chogokin by BANDAI. Too bad it's still damn damn damn expensive. I just hope it gets reissued in june next year.

macross shopping spree

2005-12-15T02:32:00.000+08:00

Spending money like a mad man. Think $471.20 in 4 days. On only MACROSS and nothing but MACROSS.

YAMATO 1/48 VF-1A Mass Production Type - $150
YAMATO 1/48 Strike Pack - $80
YAMATO 1/48 VF-1S FOCKER - $185
3 X BANPRESTO Perfect Transformation Valkyrie + Shipping - $56.20

I haven't actually paid for the Strike pack and the VF-1S yet but I've got to factor those in too. I'm crazy I know but this is how things are supposed to be all along. I should work to buy toys and only to buy toys! It's perfect! I may not have enough space to house all of them in the near future but that can wait. Now I just want to buy so many macross so bad.

Coming soon in April 2006.
YAMATO 1/60 VF-0S MACROSS ZERO FOCKER - 16800 YEN.

God damn it I can't wait.

reality

2005-12-09T12:00:00.000+08:00

I've been saying quite a bit of bullshit lately, rather what you will recognise as bullshit or maybe even what you think I said as bullshit. Reality is a composite of our senses, we see reality as it is because we can feel it hence it's real. But how can we be sure? How many times when dreaming can you actually tell that you're in a dream? Whatever we feel so called is nothing but an interpretation of our minds of the sensory input from our various organs, or so it seems.

My question is how can we be sure that everything we see is in fact what it really is and not what we actually want it to be? The human desire is something I can never comprehend. The need for more in everything and the emmotions it invoke in us. But is that the limit of what desire can achieve? The ability to create, to think out of the box so called, is one that's not unique to humans but it's us humans that put it to use the most. With a so called endless ability to imagine, how much of our imagination is imagination and how much of it is crossing over to what we call reality?

Is this what you want? We can only see the world through our own eyes no matter how "understanding" you might believe yourself to be. We can only truely know what we think no matter how "understanding" you might believe yourself to be. When you think you understand someone else, you can only imagine what it's like but not actually know what it's like. If words and imagination alone is enough to create and allow you to "feel" what it's like to be another or what another feels, is that true understanding? How can you be sure? Is existence of other entities a fact or is it just a fragment of your imagination? What if the world you see is an environment you created for yourself and that everything you experience is orchestrated by your brain?

Just an example of the kind of bullshit I've been telling people. I'm that bored, with that much time on my hands, to think that much about nothing. Or so that's what I think. Because of our ability to remember, we differentiate between past and present. The passing of time is an illusion, time pass because we pass. The progression we feel, the inability to undo things, to go back and redo things, is what creates the illusion we call time.

queasy

2005-12-06T20:53:00.000+08:00

It's the much hated BMTC passing out parade yet again. Everything about BMT sucks, I can't think of one reason that doesn't make it suck. It's existence in itself is wrong. BMT is only the beginning of 2 years of shit to come, sucks. It in itself is filled, and I mean to the brim, with phoney assholes trying way too hard to stand out, sucks. I'll help you there, remember that fork you use when you have your meals, stab yourself. A million times. The best justification of how much BMT sucks is the passing out parade itself. The only reason everyone is so glad about it is that they can leave that shit hole, most of them have no idea what they got themselves into, more shit.

The parade is a show, a very bad, very phony one at that. Imagine a whole bunch of guys wearing helmets, really thick uniformm, a really ugly green vest with lots of pockets filled with nothing(SBO), and holding a rifle being herded, yes HERDED like cattle, into an open space known also as the parade square, it's rectangular, all this while sweating like there's no tomorrow and stinking up the air. Yes I know I was one of them, I only felt like shit then but now I know I stank too. If I was there at my POP, watching, I'd hate myself too.

If there was anything more ridiculous than wearing all that fuck shit and standing in the damn sun in the middle of the day, it's that "dance" just before they toss their caps, moments after it was put on, and then picking it up again almost immediately. 3 months of training and what's presented is a well choreographed, syncopated, dance of sorts with well penned lyrics in a foreign tongue sung by substandard vocals. Or so that's what I thought. It was not supposed to be syncopated, and it most definitely wasn't in a foreign tongue. It's simply a mix of hideous enunciation by psychomotor reluctant people forced into pretending to be enjoying themselves. Thank god I didn't have to do that, I'd kill myself. It would've been a milestone in my entire existence, the new low, the stupidest moment in my life, one which I'll block out of my memory and if I had the power to undo one thing after death, I'd rather undo that over my death.

Not to forget that queasy feeling you get when taking the not very fast fast craft there. I still feel nausea, like I'm being thrown about in the back of Ben's car at that vomit inducing double bend downhill. To think that I'll have to go through all that again tomorrow for a bunch of people I don't know is simply fucked up. What's worst is that I'm paid the same as someone that spends the entire day in the office doing "work". Pui.

putfile

2005-12-04T01:43:00.000+08:00

(source)

Because there are not enough file uploading services out there and that anyone with the power or authority to do anything about it will give a shit, or even see that, and cry a river about not being able to use the service.

A great loss to all Singaporeans indeed. Now I have to rely on the likes of rapidshare, megaupload and filefront because they are better, it saddens me the most that I can no longer use the equivalent of an eye stabbing experience known as putfile.

Because a simple proxy server will not stop me from getting the files anyway since proxy servers can only be found really easily using any search engine.

catcher in the rye

2005-11-28T22:00:00.000+08:00

Jay mumbling Chou has this new album called November Chopin. I haven't heard it yet, in fact I didn't give 2 hoots about his songs since I can't remember. To tell you the truth, I don't think I was ever half as crazy as about 25 million of those people out there pretending to be able to make out what he sang without looking at the actual lyrics itself. What caught my attention, rendering it worthy for me to actually type this, is the name of the album. I wouldn't mind spending the entire day standing at the CD rack of that album at HMV or tower records pretending to be working there just to laugh my ass off whenever some fanatic fan comes in and goes gaga over it shouting "november chop-pin!" If you recall, I once wrote something about Chopin, some brief history and one of my favourite pieces by him. I do recall how annoyed I was whenever someone says his name wrong. Making people aware of how Chopin is said, that's probably the best thing that album would do.

While we're at Chopin and piano music. There's this recent hype about that pianist who defaulted NS whose name I can't even remember. What's the deal with that? What I don't understand is why so many people are so pissed off at him just because he got away with NS with a fine. So he only didn't come back to Singapore where his parents are for like what a million years? Big deal. Seriously, who the fuck cares and why? So he didn't attend national service, good for him, really. I'd be damn glad if I can not do national service. I'm sick of all the bullshit people say to justify their doing national service as not a waste of time. As fullfilling as NS is to some, it's cantankerous fuck shit to most. Many of those that claim to actually enjoy national service are probably the phoniest bastards wherever they go. The kind that smiles at you and laughs at your not funny jokes and making some very not funny jokes themselves. If NS is that good and gives you that much of a satisfaction, why is it that everyone looks forward to ORD. People talk bull about how much pride they take in their nationality when doing NS and how much we all whine about having to do it but always end up doing it anyway and appearing happy. That's the phoniest fuck shit I ever heard.

If you ask me, I'd be a lot more pissed off with those that are doing NS but doing nothing! They get paid to do nothing! I don't consider reporting sick and getting a 2 day MC about 2 times a week work. Because unlike NTI in which everything is always different and always better than before, in which you get paid for psychoing people into joining that bane of a company so you can profit from their membership, I believe work needs to actually be done. You have to actually do something to even consider it work.

The only reason people whine and still do it is because we have no choice. Unlike the dude who's been in the UK studying since he was 12, we're here right now. We can't run away. And that bull about how his parents should be partly responsible for letting their son stay overseas and pursue his music career and not return to serve his due term for the country. Seems to me like his parents are damn right. How many successful musicians are there that are actually from singapore? I don't know but I'm pretty damn sure it's very very very very much lesser than the whole bunch of guys you see roaming the streets, whether they were, are or will be in NS. And for fuck's sake he's been there since he was 12!!

Think about it. You send you child somewhere overseas when he was 12 to study music and when he turns 18, you get a damn letter telling you to bring your son back, put his studies on hold, send him to a camp somewhere to do a shit load of physical activity in preparation for a pseudo war we know will probably not happen since seriously, nobody fights anymore, it's always negotiation after negotiation, so much that it's boring me. So he spends 2 years or so doing combat training and what not and I don't know, breaks a finger, a limb or 2. Or maybe he just sprains his finger, or a ligament tear in his finger or something like that, I don't know, but you get the idea, maybe he dies. Then what? He can't play the piano anymore or he can't play as well anymore. Maybe he'd end up like another one of those jocks on the streets. Then what? So you're saying that for the country, you would do that after spending 6 years worth of cash on his specialised education overseas, you'd risk all that and bring him back to serve the country? Get real.

If I have a child, I'd bring my wife to UK or something a few weeks or so before she's about to go in labour and stay there and have a hell lot of fun until the kid is born. The kid gets a UK passport and I raise him here in Singapore. Sure I wouldn't have all the perks and stuff and his education would probably cost quite a bit more than all the other kids around. But he wouldn't know that and he probably wouldn't be feeling the pinch. What he does get to do is laugh his ass off while he goes off to college at while his peers get stuck in NS for 2 years. Then he graduates and becomes their boss. Now that's cool, seriously.

Avada Kedavra

2005-11-20T16:27:00.000+08:00

The newest installment of the Harry Potter series was, much like the rest of it's predecessors, the talk of town and almost everyone, minus some hardcore christians that thinks it glorifies the occult, are scrambling to get a glimpse of it. I caught it yesterday with Kenneth and Zongzong at marina square which is now nothing but a half built cantankerous maze. Everything's in quite a mess and almost everything's new, not to forget that portions if it are still under construction rendering the entire complex a complete pain in the ass to navigate.

We got collected the tickets at around 3:20 pm and after quite a bt of debate, kenneth insisted on eating at long john's silver even though he hates it just to show that people eventually agrees with him, except piyo maybe and what the fuck happened to her by the way? I don't believe nothing happened and I believe I speak for everyone. So we got served by a clearly gay cashier, if you're too dense to notice his body language, gestures and tone of voice, that bright purple bandana he wore sure as hell gave his sexuality away.

The movie was a whooping 2 hour 30 minutes, which is good since ticket prices are not determined by the length of the film. My bladder never fails to properly regulate my pee in a movie that long, I went to pee once, at a carefully selected point in the movie I hope nothing much happened. The effects were stunning but the story felt like it's being told in pieces and quite a bit of the parts don't exactly fit. It felt as if a lot of content was left out and according to kenneth who read the book, was exactly the case. However the best part of the movie was unanimously agreed upon by all of 3 of us, and judging from the queue at the toilets, the water letting after 2.5 hours in a cold theatre. Undoubtedly the piss of the day.

stray

2005-11-18T11:41:00.000+08:00

It was one of those nights, rather it was more like one of those days I slept a hell lot in the day and when night falls, I'm energised. Time passes quickly as I did my mundane bullshit, fiddling around with stuff I just happen to get my hands on or simply just fiddling around with nothing. Dinner was a combination of cup noodles and a Mac Donalds burger, more like bun since Mac burgers are tiny and never filling, throw in a couple of hours in between. With that said, I got hungry pretty fast so at around 3 am. I went on a hunt for prata.

Thank god for indians that don't need sleep because they fuel those 24 hour prata places allowing me to get prata whenever I felt like it. I could always use a walk in the night in solitude in between the mundane bullshit I have going. I left the house with $12.

I live in a pretty decent neighbourhood by day, with all the schools around and not to forget the homes of some really important people in the vicinity, our current president Nathan. So I'd say it's pretty much a safe neighbourhood and even at night when things get a little shady, nothing too extreme ever happens, not that I know of that is. The roads were pretty much empty with a car or two passing by once in a while. Taxis however were plentiful. Walking by the side of the road, they often slow down and horn to get the attention of the people walking. They would have that look on their faces, all of them did, that even with the minimal lighting in a cab you can clearly see. Without words, thoughts would be exchanged as I continue walking and I glimpse the loss in interest on their faces.

The prata place was a good 10 minute walk away, not that I'm complaining since it's pretty cool at night but you bet your ass I will be if it's in the day, my bitching would go on for a few more pages at least about how shitty the singaporean weather is. About 3/4 ways to the prata place, I passed by this girl. She was sitting outside one of those shop houses fiddling with this gigantic hello kitty key-chain-thing. She had make up on which I can clearly make out even in the dark, too much. I couldn't exactly see what she was wearing since it was dark but it looked like regular tees and shorts. I put her to be around 15 to 16. I figured it was just another girl doing yet another one of those random bullshit random people always do in this randomly shady part of the neighbourhood. But as I walk pass her, she spoke. The conversation was in mandarin.

Girl: Hey can you help me with something?

Me a little surprised but this really is what I said, monosyllabic but does the job: what?

Girl: Can you lend me $10?

Me thinking what the fuck: Huh? What do you want to do?

Girl: Go home.

Me thinking what the fuck yet again: Where do you stay?

Girl: Chua Chu Kang.

Me thinking what the fuck, yet again, the cemetery place as often stereotyped in rubbish TV programs produced by singapore's media monopoly. Looks into my wallet to find $12: Sorry I only have $12 bucks with me now.

There was a silent pause as I, for some reason or another, decided to help her and try to recall where the nearest ATM is. Stuff like what the hell is that girl doing there at 3 am, why she wouldn't just call home, etc. came to mind but it's none of my business and I don't need to know.

Me: I'll go get my supper first then I'll come back.

Girl: ok.

So I went on ahead to get my prata. Same pace, no hurry. Just another night, nothing new. The prata took about 10 minutes to be ready and I paid for it. I have $9 left. As I walk back, thoughts like maybe she'll be gone by now came to mind but she's still there.

Me as I got closer, pointed ahead with my free hand not holding my prata: Let's go.

Girl looking puzzled, probably thinks I'll rape her or something: What? Go where?

Me being annoyed: To take money.

Girl still looking puzzled, still probably thinks I'll rape her or something: Take money? From where?

Me still being annoyed thinking what the fuck? Where else but the ATM?: ATM.

Girl: Can you go get the money and come back?

Me being more annoyed than ever. What the fuck. I'm doing you a favour here, the least you could do is let me walk less. But understanding her caution: Ok. I'll be right back.

I start walking off.

Girl: Thanks. You'll come back right?

I waved, a gesture of acknowledgement, never looked back and walked. I got to the ATM and as if mocking me. It was "temporarily unable to dispense cash". Just her luck. It must have sucked to render her stuck in the middle of nowhere, considering where she lives, and apparently it went on to affecting the ATM as well. Being annoyed by all the walking, I went back to explain the situation.

Me saying something like this but not the exact words: Ok, I can't get cash from the ATM, it's fucked. I only have $9 with me and that's all I can spare.

Girl: Then wouldn't you have no more money?

Me: I'm going home anyway.

Girl: Oh ok then, bye.

Me getting up and walking away: bye

And so I walked. I looked back about 30 meters away and I still see her sitting there. What the fuck? I thought she wanted to go home? But it's none of my business and so I walked. Prata beckons.

quintet of bliss

2005-11-17T00:36:00.000+08:00

Namely yesterday, today, tomorrow, saturday and sunday.

Dinner at 10 while watching CSI. Not exactly what I'd call appetising but nothing prepared me for what I saw about 5 minutes into dinner. Yes there were some graphic images on screen, shotgun wounds, severed limbs, grounded talon of raven, troll, whatever. But none of that was as disturbing as what I saw right in front of me, even when it's something you wouldn't normally flinch, you because I definitely wouldn't, about when seen on TV, unless you're a pansy-ass pussy.

So imagine this, a 1 day old cup of Seasons Ice Lemon Tea, it's so sweet it virtually preserves itself. Now imagine a house gecko, or more commonly known to the ill informed as a house lizard whatever. Now imagine yourself having dinner, supper, dinper, whatever with CSI: New York, I think, on TV when suddenly you notice a tiny creature struggling in a cup of Season's Ice Lemon Tea. It's glossy black eyes stare straight back at me as I watch it in shock for a moment. The first thing that came to my mind was SHIT! Followed by damn it'd better not climb out and run amok all over my food. So I watch as it stop struggling, probably catching a breath or something, before I pushed the cup a good distance away from my food. Geckos can wait, at that moment I was hungry. So life went on. It didn't bother me much but I wouldn't say the same for my monther.

It was after dinner, let's make it dinner since dinper just sounds stupid, that I decided to get rid of the damn thing. I saw it floating motionless, drowned in sugery heaven, Season's Ice Lemon Tea. I'd even say it's pretty sinful for a gecko to take in that much glucose so it's got to be going to hell. Plus it didn't say the sinner's prayer, we all know that's all it takes to get to heaven.

X-10

2005-11-08T02:59:00.000+08:00

So remember my last post? Yeah. Still happening. I'm 2 episodes to completing 2 seasons. That's good. Right? Then I can move on to other things like I don't know season 3? That's if I get the files in time. Damn you torrents without seeds hence I'm stuck at 97 to 98% for all my OC s3 torrent!!

My room smells like someone just drove a van with a spoiler, freshly painted, into it. Tamiya makes nice cement and the Tamiya colour, code X-10 Gun Metal is now my new favourite colour. I like it's dark sci-fic look and feel, like mixing mecury and lead, the glossy graphite look. Not to forget how much it kicks ass on a Gunpod. almost 12 hours since I started and I haven't even completed 1 leg of my 1/72 1994 reissue VF-1J Valkyrie [ Variable ] Millia type. I'm not even close. Thanks to the paint taking forever to dry, plus the fact that every damn part is originally resulting in a shit load of painting required to make it look good.

Now the smell in my room's making my nose run like it's being chased by a troll with the hots for salt. It took quite a while, about 6 hours in fact, for the effect of all that thinner and modelling cement to kick in but when it finally did, unleashed upon me was a torrent of mucus, sending me into sneezing fits for the first few minutes of it. Not cool.

Back to OC.

can't stop

2005-11-07T05:12:00.000+08:00

3 days, 1 season + 7 episodes, and I can't stop watching The OC!! I'm screwing up my sleep cycle so bad I'm writing shit at 5am, with OC on pause!!

I didn't even start on my macross yet, not that I can since I will need some modeling cement if I want it to stay together. And I've put the RC Mu CMS translation on hold and didn't translate a single module since I got back. Pretty much the only progress I've made is that ickystuff.net is now a registered domain and the OC episodes I've been watching. Hell I watch so much OC I didn't even watch any of my anime and it's all piling up, with an entire new series added to the stack anytime within the next few hours or less.

Now back to OC and I love Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie.

1994

2005-11-03T23:27:00.000+08:00

I was 9 that year and I pretty much couldn't remember anything that happened then. So why I put it as the title for this post you ask, probably another one of my random meaningless titles that appear on a regular basis here you think. No. 1994 is a significant year indeed, it's the year my new 1/72 scale VF-1J Valkyrie [Variable] Millia type model kit was made. Well it's a 1994 reissue but it's still damn rare!!! It is afterall more than 10 years old!

And that's only one of the many things I bought at KL, using not my money, where I spent the better half of my trip. My stay there would have been perfect if not for an incident involving a cab driver that makes you think everyone there is trying to rip you off simply because you're not local. KL is like Singapore with a very much worst public transport system. Imagine getting on a bus which door wouldn't close, a LRT to MRT transit equivalent that requires you to walk for a good 5 to 10 minutes and go through the damn gates countless times. The worst part is the instructions and directions written in english NOWHERE! There are virtually no english directions or instructions for anything that matters.

STOP speaking to me in cantonese! I don't fucking understand! I cried out loud a million times in my head while I was there. But all that aside, they do have a large number of collectable toy stores and for that, and almost that alone, I won't mind going back there. Everything is relatively cheaper and almost everything there that's branded is fake. Everyone carries a Gucci, or so it seems, and you can find DVDs going for as little as 8RM a piece, I know it's even cheaper in China but I'm not in China, everywhere. You can find stalls selling DVDs at virtually every stall front. I saw one at every "video rental" and game store. I even saw one at the cashier of a hair dresser!! With DVDs that cheap, I can understand why there is nothing even remotely worth watching on TV. Everything nice was not aired and whatever was aired was heavily censored. They fucking censored the word SHIT!! On a number of occasions, I was forced to watch some lame variety show with no variety whatsoever since it shows on a regular basis local MTVs, what the fuck?!, and there was this call in and make a dedication thing because there's so little TV worthy content they stuck a camera in a radio station or something. If not for the fact that I have to pay international rates to call in, I would have done it and shouted shit until they cut me off.

Xian's undies

2005-10-29T01:24:00.000+08:00

It's xian's birthday and for some reason, there's much to write about unlike grace's.

We made xian show us her new undies at the crab place where we had supper. It took a while with xian being her usual shy self, she even wanted me to unveal it for her but that'l be just wrong won't it? However a few threats to make her appear even more embarassed in public finally got her to unveal her new undies we got for her. She was initially quite reluctant and only show a portion of it but after I made it clear that she should just go all out and show us the entire thing since it's already half out anyway, she unvealed it's glory for all to see. It was white, laced with pink with the words 'I love you' written on it, also in pink. I didn't exactly take a good look at it since she was at the other side of hte table but that's really beyond the point. Point is to make her show us her new undies we got her and she did that.

Kinky? I don't think so.

I'll be away for the next few days so The club, minus grace and jan plus zhiwei, decided to meet for supper like we usually do, just not at 85, on xian's birthday. Which was quite a disappointment since that renders my initial plan of setting meatballs on fire useless. It would've been an amazing sight, with the combustion of lard and minced meat, the fireworks of good food mixed with the aroma of 85 bak cho mee which never fails to stink up the car. Not to forget how meaningful it will be, as I always say, 85 is The place for The Club.

So we had supper at the crab place, known because of the crab they server and the crap, dessert from taiwan, they serve. So being the usual xian, she's late, and being the usual us, didn't leave any food for her. I didn't have lunch and dinner so I was really hungry. But hungry as I am, I did not look half as barbaric as Kenneth when eating crab. He virtually squeezes the flesh out of the crab from between the shells, using ALL his fingers!! He took quite a while longer than the rest of us when washing our fingers in the bowl of lime water since he had to wash his HANDS!

Usually when there's a birthday, xian would be the one that buys the present but since it's xian's birthday this time, so someone else had to do it, not me. And it's none other than the insane duo, the british and the prc, oliver and lulu, mr brown and luluser, that did it. And like everything they do, there's always a catch.

The present came in 2 packets, one normal, one far from it. It is the smaller one sealed with a questionable sticker that is of significance. I'm sure you can guess by now what's in the smaller packet.

MezMu gone

2005-10-26T01:49:00.000+08:00

It's screwing up my sleep cycle which doesn't really exist to begin with and it annoys the hell out of me. You know I'm in serious shit when I start surfing forums about Mu that's in CHINESE!!!

It's too much of a cantankerous fuck shit so I shut it down.

more art.

2005-10-21T21:10:00.000+08:00

Oh well, let's just say I'm on a roll here.

Kyriel:

I should work for adidas. I dig those shoes! A major overhaul I must say. Half-skirts kick ass!! Not to forget those 2 big swords that get even bigger when you snap them together!! Then there's the fact that SHE. LOOKS. SO. DAMN. HOT!!!

why of all things this

2005-10-19T00:54:00.000+08:00

I can't hold back anymore!!
It's pure agony to not say anything so I'm just going to do it with some ambiguity and of course some censorship.

Why the fuck would anyone do this?!!

Enough said.
There's really nothing much to write plus the fact that I'll be reserving much of my crap for ickystuff.net, when it's up.

Then there's this...

Suspect

2005-10-15T00:58:00.000+08:00

I hate Suspect. What the fuck is it suppose to mean when a SQL database is Suspect? It doesn't say anything, no help is provided and it really really sucks. I have no idea what's the cause but that doesn't really matter anymore does it? Nevermind that anymore. Everything is fine now. Mez Mu Online is now officially up.

And now for more art, well actually only 1 new pic.

Donquel:

Having a 歪 tattoo is just too ugly!! So i changed it. Imagine having a pistol and a gunblade chained to your hands! Talk about handy weapons. No. The gunblade is not originally from FF8. The concept of the gunblade's been in existence since the times of the pirates and mytic sea monsters. FF8 just made it famous.

it's art day

2005-10-13T17:26:00.000+08:00

I don't recall posting anything I drew up here in a while.
Neither do I recall drawing her more than once.
Then comes the fact that the first and last time I drew her right is a little more than 4 years ago. No shit.

Amanda:

And we need a new name for her. The name's too plain Jane for a twin AXE weilding cross between a punk and a nerd kind of girl... Right... almost that I suppose.

Uriel:

don't you just love huge swords like that? They scream "I CUT JOO!!!!" like no other!

Eloa:

Let's just say that for me to keep a character design and not change much of it for more than 3 years, that design must kick ass!

Of Maple Story & DOTA

2005-10-11T02:48:00.000+08:00

The next time someone tells me to download Maple Story and give it a try will be the last time the person ever gets to play any game ever!

I can think of no better description for that bane of a MMOG than "it sucks!" If I wanted to play a 2D game, I'd get a SNES! Those timeless classics are a million times better. A 200MB installation file for a 2D game is seriously fucked up. Check out my BMP files dude! I'm so 1989 where JPEG and PNG doesn't exist. Not to forget the fact that there is virtually no AI involved, it's a MMOG for crying out loud, no fancy video clips and no high res. skins! Then there's the fact that a hack for Maple will SCREW up everything on EVERYONE's screen, for the novice, this means that something is seriously wrong with the coding. Fucked up.

As for design, I'd be very much attracted to it if I was 10 and a brainless drone crying for a lollipop every once in a while.

Now for the avid fans of what is commonly known as DOTA. Beware as the next big thing invades your WC3 folder, I'd rather play THAK anytime and I'm sure you would too. Originally conceived by Weng, THAK is the abbreviation for, none other than Treasure Hunting Ancient King!!! It's the best WC3 gaming experience ever!!

what's with the tray of puke

2005-10-06T02:18:00.000+08:00

The exact words I said when I first saw the above mentioned image on xian's msn buddy icon.
It's a gigantic cookie!! Denial. I'd rather drive a van with a spoiler off a cliff than to even take a bite out of that vile looking mix of concentrated HCL, enzymes, and what hideous substances anyone can possibly find in that cantankerous tray of questionable pale brown paste like "thing" with lumps.

Just another example of the kind of stuff said between me and Weng in camp, not that it's in any way inaccurate or inconsistent with what I have in mind. A tray of puke is a tray of puke, lumpy or not, in a tray or not, said to be a cookie or not. We should really start a group blog or site or something It. Will. Kick. Ass. Imagine a portal, I see it now, Negoki Productions meets Room 9. Imagine the content, all original and written with a certain flare, the kind the kicks you in the gut and then makes you go why didn't I think of that, followed by LOL, Keith version (lots of laughts) and then LOL, usual version (laugh out loud) and finally where did they find the time, energy and creative impluses to say such shit. Just when you think that's where the fun stops, you get overwhelmed with the various different forms of media ranging from original compositions by Threep, right?, art by me, weird photos and even weirder looking photo manips. Not to forget the icky stuff section where you find stuff like the tray of puke or Thomomus caught with a bag full of cancer causing sticks of death grouped in packets and transfered across borders by the loop hole called not everyone is a smoker.

Speaking of which somehow reminds me of something I said on one of those early mornings with a deployment that is totally unnecessary but scheduled anyway. I was on the bus and Benedict was reading the new men's magazine, SNAG or something. I think they left out the IM at the end since it should be SNAGIM, Stupid Neurotic Apprehensive Gag Inducing Material. It's as if the market is not already saturated with various picture books, since my Primary 1 textbook probably contains more reading material, with similar content and an exponential drop in quality with the introduction of each new series. There are only that many pretty girls in the world, an even smaller number here in Singapore, RATIO! do the math shithead!. Not enough to go around with that many magazines being published on a monthly basis. So they fill the pages with ads, other gobbledygook and what not. Then there are those girls that make you wonder what exactly is it about them worthy to be published. They're not common but they do exist and are somehow published rendering the mag a GIM, Gag Inducing Material. Which brings me back to that fateful morning where one casual sentence said without much thought became my quote of the day.

If she looks like that in a photoshoot, she probably looks like fuck in real life.

If I must, here's my explaination. A photoshoot is designed, lighting clothes and all, to make someone look good. If you look bad in a professionally done photoshoot for a magazine, it tells, in fact it screams bloody murder, about how you look. You can argue that it might be the photographer's fault but if it's a photographer for a magazine, chances are, pretty high, that he's good enough. I used the word probably since, though slim, the possibility that factors other than the girl itself is to blame for a shitty looking gag inducing shot, like snort or a tray of puke.

fucktard

2005-09-28T23:21:00.000+08:00

Before I start, I'd first like you to refer to this which I wrote some time back with regards to the subject of this post, snails. Be sure to read it in depth since I'll probably make many references to it.

As you all should know, since you live in the same fucking country I live in, the weather is a massive cantankerous pain in the ass. It's warm all year round and when it does get cool, rain, it becomes humid as fuck rendering everything shitty as far as the weather is concern. Which is why most people cannot live without air-conditioning.

Now imagine yourself in an enclosed room with about 30 other people forcing warm air into metalic tubes and what not and then it starts to rain. The air cools dractically and for once justice is done and the temperature would have been perfect but no. Some mother fucker decides that it's a tat too cold for him and without seeking the opinion of the majority, proceeds to increase the temperature in the room. That wouldn't have been so bad if it was done in moderation but I can safely say that 28 degree celsius is a little too high a temperature for a room of more than 30. To hell with it, 28 degree celsius is higher than the temperature outside the room! Fucktard!

And so I've pretty much established that I'll be going to hell from the amount of evil thoughts running through my head in one morning alone. It's like a my limit meter is constantly full and I wouldn't have a need to de-barrier Sephiroth since even a braver would be enough for me to 1 hit KO the final boss in the epic FF7.

I'm constantly asked why, where and how all that hate came about and my answer would be on par with why I hate snails. They exist. They are gigantic eyesores. They piss me off to final heaven. Something went wrong in all creation that spawned them. But this time it's worst. The fucktard's like a snail gone horribly wrong! It's like an over-grown, over-developed, invertebrate piece of shit with an evolutionary diseaster called hair!

things I really need now

2005-09-28T02:21:00.000+08:00

In life, there will always be things you need or want for whatever reason and more often than not, you don't have it since if you won't be wanting or needing it if you already got it.

That was the initial first paragraph of this post. Notice how gay and fucked up it is? I did. And so I made in italic. What's my point you wonder, the answer to that is obvious to anyone. The following are a couple of blank lines to brace you for the shift in style to that comonly used by mundane bloggers.

I need:
1. Money
2. More money
3. A well documented game engine
4. Necessary knowledge to write a MMOG client
5. Necessary equipment to write a MMOG client
6. Sleep
7. A programmer to do my bidding
8. Modellers
9. Animator
10. Concept art
11. To stop thinking about so much shit.
12. mouthpiece case.
13. Sleep
14. More Sleep
15. MC
16. troll scrolls
17. To get a life and stop writing like a jack ass.

because it's me, therefore I can.

2005-09-27T02:27:00.000+08:00

It's interesting how the consistency in the amout of shit I write actually justify my writing shit in itself. It's a self-fueling synergy of a paradox that's filled to the brim with mundane nonsense for no other reason than to entertain.

Everyone reads Jan's blog. Or so I was told by none other than xian. Not that I disagree, she is after all girly me and that has got to count for something. Being on the phone with a law student down with a back case of flu and sore throat isn't exactly something most people, not including a particular ZW or ZQ, would enjoy. Not to forgot the overload in lawyer lingo and nonsensical muses of sounds created to facilitate communication and ease of expression. Agnst can never be better discribed when told in the form of an "ARGHHH!" Now imagine all that mixed into a really holy person capable of endless non-stop preaching. You can try all you want but even with my vivid imagination, I only got it right when I experienced it.

When xian wants to whine, no one, other than probably Jesus, can stop her. In reference to a particular account of a rather explicit conversation involving panties, eye sores and touching of oneself, as detailed in the blog everyone reads, xian whines about how wrong the acount is, even when the words are literally lifted off the real conversation, because of the lack of emmotional expression. When something commonly used to express excitment being high and stuff is said in a non-chalant matter of fact tone, it conveys an entirely different meaning. Argues the hoarse girl on law lingo overload. I personally do not see what's wrong with twisting information when it's obviously for fun. With that expressed, I was told that it would've been pretty much OK if I was the one that wrote the explicit entry, simply because I write shit like that all the time.

So there you have it. I'm officially allowed to write whatever shit I want to because nobody takes any material written by me seriously. Such permission is given not by an ordinary person but one of great spiritual powers and increasingly strong teeth, renforced with lasers.

feed the fish

2005-09-27T00:14:00.000+08:00

It was unfortunate that I had to spend much of my day travelling on a coach visiting various places I have absolutely no interest in. What botheres me the most is the fact that I have to stay in camp the night before so as to turn up at a organisation event that's supposed to be relaxing, fun and such.

It's fun to a certain extent but none of what's fun has got anything to do with the activities planned out. To wake up at 5am so as to ensure that we are on schedule wouldn't be so bad if we hadn't met with a jam on the causeway. I never quite got why we had to go through all that trouble to go to a fruit farm cum bee farm when everything we can possibly want to buy from there can be easily gotten here. If the purpose is to sight see and get to know more about the process and workings involved in the making of fruits, what the fuck, and honey, I can sadly announce that it's benn a complete failure.

Call me an asshole but I can't help but chirp in that annoying as fuck accent of Steve Irwin, croc hunter, as we got off the air-conditioned bus and into the blistering heat of the equitorial region, "Alright now everybody, let us embark on our search for bad spelling!" It's quite a challenge and even more so of a surprise since I only found a handfull of those. That or I wouldn't know even if they spelt anything wrong unless it's actually english. With that in mind, you can imagine how much attention I paid the guide rattling off with a shrill bane of a voice I'd rather be hit by a truck than to listen to. The sentences are fragmented much like mine, laced with a thick accent and gives a normal person a ever rising impluse to just smash her head in so she could just shut the fuck up!

I'm sure you've all seen it before. In fact it's so common you can even find it in Singapore. You can almost definitely find a pond over populated with koi with a sign that says no feed the fishes unless it's fish food bought from the gift-shop or something. The concept alone is mind boggling and beyond my comprehension. Think about it. You're paying someone to feed their fish! It's like paying someone for knocking you down with your own car! What's worst is not the fact that the gimick still exists but people actually fall for it! It's because of stupid people that such an act of cheating exists. Preying on the stupidity of tourists in a foreign land thinking a fish in water is not like any other fish in water at home, stupid, such acts not only brought in revenue but also a free endless source of labour.

I'll end this off with a quote form my equally annoying friend, Weng,

"I'd rather be at home playing half-life 2. This place looks just like the ruins plus I'd have a gun! Then I can shoot someone when I'm pissed off like now."

MezMu

2005-09-23T00:24:00.000+08:00

I've been pretty busy lately, sleeping really late and all but sleep has always been secondary to me.

MezMu Online

If you see me online, you can probably go there. I'm still testing it but it's more or less done. What I can do that is, many aspects of it is beyond me. Taking my very first step into the MMOG dev. circle.

Too good to be true.

2005-09-15T01:09:00.000+08:00

I watched it already, Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children, it's so good you have to see it to believe it. Imagine awesome animation 10 times better than the previous FF movie, Spirits Within, laced with nostalgia and a plot to die for. Throw in superb lip syncing, voice acting, swordplay, insane bike riding action and a cast to die for, not to be missed. If you consider yourself a fan of the final fantasy series and haven't played FF7, I can only say to you "mada mada dane." If you're an avid fan like me, it's a movie not to be missed. Everything you see in the movie will resonate within you bringing out from the depths of your heart the sweet memories revolved around the one game that vindicated your life.

Final Fantasy VII :: Advent Children

2005-09-12T20:52:00.000+08:00

It's been 2 years since I first heard of it and now it's finally out. I can't wait to get my hands on a copy of it. To this very day, FF7 remains as the one game that once vindicated my life, really. I remember when I used to wake up in the middle of the night just to play it because I can't wait to know what happens next. The plot is that good. Thanks to FF7, every other installment of the Final Fantasy series felt like a disappointment with FF8 being the worst of the lot. FF8 sucks so much it can't possibly suck more. It's one of the many shitty games I've played that I chose not to complete for various reasons and FF8 pretty much scored zeros points in every aspect of the game other than the graphics, FMVs and the music. The plot is draggy and full of shit. I hate walking, whethere in game or in real life, so making me walk around aimlessly really really pisses me off.

While we're at shitty products, I can't help but bring up the iPods. Every iPod comes bundled with a flaw, a cantankerous abomination of bad skinning, fucked up programming, resource management and a monopoly of some kind. It's called iTunes. I should probably have written this before my previous entry comparing iTunes by Apple and a freeware music player plugin that works a million times better.

And apparently Creative won the US patent for the tree-style navigation user interface used in many current MP3 players such as the iPod over Apple. Called the Zen Patent, after their latest armada of MP3 players, it was first used in the Nomad Jukebox, sounding very old school already, back in 2000 before the release of the iPod. Oh well, tough luck for Apple.

I personally prefer the iPod simply because it looks better and is easier to use. I've always had this belief that instead of working on and improving their existing products, Creative comes up with new products of similar functions to saturate the market so most of their shitty products remain shitty. And seriously what the fuck is with the name Zen?! I can almost picture the ad on TV with bearded white-haired chinese dude dressed in ancient clothes holding the Zen touch in his hands saying Russell Peters style "Confucius say, use the Zen touch to get in touch with zen!" Although Zen is a buddhist teaching but that's really besides the point.

I'm watching wrestling

2005-09-12T03:02:00.000+08:00

I'm that bored.
I can't sleep, not that I'm not sleepy, I know that for sure because if I do, I'll not be able to wake up to drag my ass to camp.
So i chose the easy way out, seriously, to stay awak the whole night. Because it takes an hour of snooze to wake me up when I don't get enough sleep.

I never understood why anyone can like watching a very unrealistic fight between 2 half-naked men. The concept alone is mind boggling to me. For the love of God 2 half naked men! That alone is enough for me to reach for my remote. Then there are those really cheesy names, Heartbreaker, Undertaker, etc. I won't be surprise if there's a fish monger or a taxidermist some time in the near future. What puzzles me even more is how so many can still like it when EVERYONE obvious knows that it's all a gigantic show. WWE alone tells everyone that it's all ENTERTAINMENT.

For all my understanding towards wrestling, none, you can imagine how bored I am in my attempt to stay awake, not good, that 'm watching wrestling.

And what the fuck is it with Villa Wellness?! It's the worst reality TV show ever! In fact, I think it's so bad that it can't possibly suck more than it already does. It sucks so much that nothing but Villa Wellness 2 will out rank it as the number 1 shitty show in the history of television. I'm not being sexist when I say this but the only thing more gross than a fat ugly man is a fat ugly woman. And they put not one but a bulk, pun intended, of fat ugly woman in that show. If that's not gross, I don't know what is. And they have get some guy to go in for the fat girls' pleasure. I wonder how much he got paid for that but I won't settle for anything short of a million if it were me they sent into the tub of water, not much water because much of it was displaced by all the fat ladies in it.

Then imagine fat girls birtching, backstabbing and bitch slapping one another. GROSS!! I can't find any other word that better describe the distaste I have for that show.

MessiahZ Perfect Collection

2005-09-09T22:42:00.000+08:00

For those who knows.

The Story.

The Art.

The people, Me, Kenneth, Kang, Fon, Junyuan, Jan, Amanda(though she's been MIA forever), Siok, Rong, Grace, Terese.

patience

2005-09-07T23:58:00.000+08:00

A trait I'm sure everyone in my band will possess at the end of our 2 years or so service to the nation. Just when I thought that physics are the worst kind of lectures ever, I'm proven wrong yet again today. I should probably be glad that I was taking a dump for the first 5 to 10 minutes of the shelling so I got 5 to 10 minutes less shit than the rest, a luxury where I come from.

This morning's muster parade was a record breaking 40 minutes, of which much had been said but I'm confident that I can pretty much summarise it in less than 5. The points discussed are recursive and irrelevant. I can never get how things are supposed to work out fine when the subject at fault is never present when being reprimanded, in other words, the bulk of us getting the shit did nothing wrong. What's the point of raising a point when the subject of that matter isn't present to hear it? I'm not saying the subject at fault is at any point correct, I've in fact been very pissed off with his behaviour and how inconsiderate he can be doing things he obviously know will get the rest of us into trouble, fucked up. However, that doesn't change that fact that what's done can only be described as stupid. It's like telling your hamster to go fuck itself because your dong pooped all over your yard.

The next time I hear anything along the line of how much work it is to plan this and that, events and such that we will be involved in and doing the bulk of the work, I'm going to drive that grotesque abomination of a van with a spoiler into the office. This is how things used to be like, we go for deployments and such and in the event that we work overtime or on weekends, we get off. What happened was that we are able to use that off as and when we feel like it provided there's no deployment unless it's a special case. It was simple and there was virtually no work to be done on the administrative planning part. Now this is how things work now, we go for deployments as usual and we get the same off if we do overtime and stuff, however we do not get to decide when we get to use the off. The only off we get to decide upon, to a certain extent, is the HQ duty off and when the number of days off we have gets too many, we are forced to use the off on days which anyone sensible will rather stay in camp since we're not doing anything anyway. So back to the deployment off, now the "management" will plan the off for us, usually grouping them together so the entire band can go on off at the same time. Anyone will know that this is definitely more tedious than the former method and obviously require a lot more planning since the entire band must be taken into consideration. Now comes my point, did anyone of us force you to do it the way it is done now? No. what does this show, your way is stupid!! That aside, what makes is worst is whenever I hear "we need to plan the off for yada yada". There is NO WE, it's all you! If you want to control our off to such an extent, so be it. Stop making it sound as if we made things difficult for you because you brought it upon yourself. Everything comes with a price and in this case, we shouldn't be the one paying for it, much like how we shouldn't have to answer for mistakes made not by us even when it concerns us. The facts are simple, we didn't make the mistake, you did, what reason have we to take half the responsibility?

And "Andante" does not sound like "And - an - te" dipshit!!
I realised that first time I see that word when I first started learning music. You've been in the band scene for what, I'm assuming you're 40 plus this year, I'll take it that you're 40 for easy calculation, 20 over years and you can't say that word. DIPSHIT!!!

the gathering

2005-09-04T10:53:00.000+08:00

For the first time in years, we had a gathering with Mrs Wong & Mr Ng. That in itself is amazing considering that we've graduated from dhs 6 years ago. Although the people that turn out are pretty much the same few people that still hang out often enough, it still cool, I guess, to storm a restaurant, make a big fuss over the lack of seats, half heartedly rearrange some chairs to make space and finally leave without ordering anything with the excuse of wanting to seat together. It may sound mean or whatever negative word you can find to you but that never stopped us before.

Though the people that turned out are mainly the bunch of us that still hang out once in a while, not all of us will usually be there. Missing a few here and there is usually the case but not this time. It's always fun to meet up with people you haven't seen in a long time, almost always.

Meeting up with certain people will sometimes make you remember how much of a pain in the ass that person was and although I'm often reprimanded for being mean, as usual, it doesn't stop me from making comments laced with blades. If you're wondering who this person is, rest assured that if you actually get to read this, it's probably not you.

It's Doreen!!! I'm not exactly trying to conceal this and everyone that found this line probably didn't take long to realise. I put this here for the effect so don't think that you've uncovered hidden treasure or cracked a power code just because.

There are few that tick me off enough for me to write about them and that's usually when they cross a certain boundary different for everyone. In this case, I'll simply say that there's a huge difference between talking and flirting, adding on to that, there's a gigantic difference between having a conversation and hitting on someone. As Weng would have said, it's a cantakerous task trying to ignore the words and have a meal without choking every once in a while.

Kang kept hitting me under the table, for every gross statement made, and I in turn kept hitting Janice. I realised the heaven at the far end of the table when switched places with Junyuan. Such silence, such tranquility and I didnt' choke on anything or cringe at every word said.

Yes, my purpose of writing this is not to talk about the gathering as opposed to the initial impression I gave at the first paragraph, it is to bitch. To bitch about someone that made me choke on soup sending me into coughing fits, someone whose words made me cringe, who I don't exactly look forward to seeing again very soon.

some answers

2005-09-04T01:51:00.000+08:00

I've been pretty busy the past week and haven't really been home but it appears that people do come here and read their share of crap from me. I'm writing this because I see myself encountering the same questions again in the future. There's also the fact that I'm bored.

Q. Hey! cool ambigrams! make me one? like casper's "can i keep you?"
A. Do I know you? No.

Q. If your always right, and I'm always right, what happens if we disagree?
A. Considering the fact that you're asking me for an answer, I'm thinking you're consulting me making me more right than you are.

Q. Since when does iTunes suck?
A. Since always considering the fact that winamp exists way before iTunes and it kicks iTunes' ass big time.

Q. But winamp can't send songs to my iPod
A. You are wrong. Get this.

Q. But iTunes is so simple to use, everything can be done with a click, winamp is too complex.
A. Firstly, iTunes is first designed for a Mac, that doesn't have a right-click. Secondly, if winamp is too complex, you're probably too stupid.

Q. But iTunes look cool.
A. You can have a unlimited choice of skin for winamp. You can even make it look like iTunes, just a lot less shitty.

Q. What can winamp do that iTunes can't?
A. Everything.

Q. What can iTunes do that winamp can't?
A. Potentially screw up your iPod by syncing with the stupid library.

Q. But everyone uses iTunes, it can't be possible that everyone is wrong.
A. It's possible, not everyone knows about the winamp ipod plugin. If we live in the ancient past when you still believe the earth is flat, I will be the right one.

Q. But my entire music library is in iTunes, don't expect me to discard that and switch to another program, it's too much work.
A. Keep playing on your PS1 then.

Q. Can I extract songs from my iPod using winamp?
A. Yes. The files will be named according to the ID3 tag information rather than the shitty index filename used in the iPod.

Q. What index filename in the iPod.
A. Never mind.

Q. Want go church?
A. No.

temporal phase shift

2005-08-31T21:58:00.000+08:00

I haven't been home the since sunday night with all that waking up at 6am for work after a night of crappy sleep on a foreign bed without the pretty much essential air conditioning.

This short break from work will come to an end in a matter of minutes as I once again step out of my home to get back to that much dreaded work place. I vaguely remember having something to write about in the last few days but right now, I just can't put a finger on it. It's residing somewhere deep within my conscious mind hiding from plain view. Of the 5 hours at home, I spent a bulk of it sleeping and although I'm not a sleep person, as in I don't crave it for no reason like some people I know, it's some pretty damn good sleep compared to what I've been having the past few days.

Harry Potter's Wang

2005-08-28T16:06:00.000+08:00

If you're on my msn contact list, you've probably already seen this because I made you but that never stopped me before.

Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

Ok
I have found, definitive proof
that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
O_______O
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

source.

Piracy 101

2005-08-28T01:46:00.000+08:00

I'm quite sick of people asking me to download stuff for them because they either don't know where to look, can't find it, are too scared that downloading anything will get them listed by the RIAS or are simply too lazy to do it themselves. So I've decided to write this, everything you need to know about downloading anything. I've also decided to write this because I've been wanting to for a while now and I happen to be pretty free and awake at 1am on a saturday night.

Before I begin, I'm going to lay some ground rules.

1. I'm always right.
2. Do not question my instructions because of pt. 1.
3. Do not question the logic behind my instructions because of pt.
4. If anything screws up, it's you.
5. Don't use IE, use Firefox.
6. I'm always right.
7. Downloading copyrighted material is illegal and I'm not responsible for whatever shit happens to you if you fuck up.

Understand that I'm not a law student nor anything even remotely related to the topic. The basic idea is that piracy is illegal but everyone wants to do it because it kicks ass getting stuff all those paying suckers spent on for free. All is well as long as you don't get caught but shit happens and if you happen to be lucky, oh well. So don't. Don't get caught.

Let's start with legal downloads. Chances are the download is legal if:

1. If it's on a official website.
2. If it's a short audio clip less than 30 sec.
3. It's a song sung by some unknown, more often than not, loser.

You can download whatever, whereever, whenever. But if you're reading this, you probably don't want these legal downloads.

Now for the juicy bits, in the event that you don't know any of the words or terms I used, google it, don't ask.

The best place to fine safe downloads is from http sites. And there's no better tool to search for the stuff other than google. You can find virtually anything in google, if it's online, you can google it. Google works like all other search engines, at least what you see is the same, you input what you want to find and it churns out the results. Google works the same for everyone and the reason why some people can get everything from google and why some can't get anything is the keywords they use for the search and how they type it.

Group words that are supposed to be together with ""s and use a space as a seperator. For example, if you want to find a song titled "shitty song" sung by "the shitty people", type this in google:

"shitty song" "the shitty people" download

If that doesn't give you any good results, try

"shitty song" "the shitty people" song
"shitty song" "the shitty people" mp3

When that still doesn't show anything good, chances are what you are trying to find sucks to the core, that's when you remove the ""s and shoot blindly. Note that more often than not, the top few pages will be the official sites for the song, the artist or contains the lyrics. Your best bet are forums and those kick ass sites from china. Because china doesn't give a shit about piracy and they make the best game hacks.

You might not understand the words or characters shown, that's when you take note of your status bar, look for words that indicate a download; things like file extensions and javascript(download); etc. Or buttons, the china sites love buttons.

It can take up to more than half an hour just to find your desired file but when that happens, you're rewarded with a sense of satisfaction, almost always, really fast downloads and the sense of relief that the chances of you getting caught are about as slim as nothing.

With that said, I'll go on to what I call the solution to everything, Bittorrent. It's the best thing that happened since Atlantis got submerged. You can download virtually everything off bittorrent if you know where to look. Places like baka-updates, tokyotosho, torrentspy, torrentreactor, piratebay, etc. Just google for it. I'm going to kick the next person who asks me how bittorrent works.

Now I believe I've mentioned forums somewhere above. Forums with a fixed topic that are hosted on professional servers with tonnes of space. You can often find file sharing forums where you can request for files of a specific genre, this requires a certain level of commitment and you don't always get what you're looking for. But if you happen to have a pretty face or you got photos of some nice cute looking chicks, chances are those testosterone pumped forum junkies, techno nerds, will help you out and give you whatever you want. The only risk here is that you probably have to register with the forums in order to use the services. So there, don't be stupid and put anything real.

Only when you're left with no other options, do you turn to p2p software to find whatever you want. And when you do, sad to say, don't share any files. Most of the p2p software works such that your userid or whatever will only be displayed when you have any files to share. That is when someone searches for a file and you have it, your username appears in relation to the file. And that allows other users to see all the files you are sharing. Don't let that happen for obvious reasons. It's sad that the solution to staying safe on a p2p network is not contributing to the network but there are always people out there who either take the risk, doesn't give a shit or are too stupid to know.

FAQ.

Q. Where can I find ______.
A. Google.

Q. Is it legal?
A. probably not.

Q. Can you show me where?
A. No.

Q. Can you download _____ for me?
A. No.

Q. If I pay you?
A. I'll think about it.

Q. Am I wrong?
A. Yes.

Q. How can you be sure you're always right?
A. See points 1 and 2.

Q. You rock!
A. I know.

Disclaimer: This text is for entertainment purposes only. I am in no way responsible for how the information is put to practice. To believe me or not is your choice to make but keep in mind point 1.

too much free time

2005-08-27T18:30:00.000+08:00

When I have too much free time, I either get bored, usually, or I do really senseless stuff. For today, I did the latter. Due to the fact that I can't get my hands on a decent recording of the Arban's Carnival of Venice performed by a euphonium, because all the euphonium played Carnival of Venice I have is the Herbert Clarke arrangement. So I fired up Audacity and edited the trumpet version of it I got. It's not perfect, far from it in fact, I didn't really bother because I only wanted to have some fun. With that in mind, I did a shabby job with the editing, you can hear distinctly the parts where I edited, obviously because it doesn't sound like a trumpet, but also because of the distinct shift in pitch. It actually sounds like a REAL euphonium and because of that I'm glad and I bring myself to applaud Audacity as industry standard piece of software comparable to Cool Edit, not to forget that it is freeware.

Being the usual pain in the ass that imposes my thoughts and ideals on others, I'm going to FORCE you to listen to my bad remix of the wonderful piece arranged by Arbans.

[Edit]: Force period over, listen to it here.

You'll need flash player to hear and see this. If you haven't already got it, GET IT because if you don't you are and will be a loser. Take the first step in loser prevention now, get flash player damn it!

The Carnival of Venice

2005-08-26T23:25:00.000+08:00

The damn piece just keeps ringing in my head, on and on like a bad code stuck in an infinite loop. All this while I had the Herbert Clarke version of it, which IMHO is much easier than the one that's ringing in my head now. And then yesterday, I found out that the version I liked best is actually the Arban's version. I had Arbans since I was, what, 15? I was never quite a fan of it because it's so damn thick and everything just struck me as a turn off from page 1.

I saw the score of it in the trumpet Arbans Junichi was using and started playing it. I hate treble clef. I hate Bb euphonium scores. They should jus write everything in concert pitch. I played it anyway and decided that it's nice and since the trombone & euphonium version of Arbans just arrived a few days ago, I got it from the library. It kicks ass!

The opening solo alone is much nicer than the Clarke version I have. The theme is just so nice and fun to play. Then the rest of the variations are just overwhelming. There are some variations that are similar to that in Clarke's version with a few varied notes here and there. The final variation is still as impressive with added challenge in the form of the octave skip at the accented notes that bring out the melody. When correctly executed, it will sound like 2 instruments playing together with one playing the cheap simple melody while the other is running. With that in mind, I've decided to change the score a little, to hell with the octave skips. It sounds nice on a trumpet but on a euphonium, the octave down just makes it sound weird, even when done correctly. I just don't like the idea of really staccato low notes below the stave, I feel that it doesn't give credit to the quality mellow dark tone of the low euphonium notes. So I actually prefer the Clarke interpretation of the final variation. However I prefer the Arbans' notes. Putting the best of both worlds together, I'll attempt to play the Arbans version transposing the "melody" an octave up like that in Clarke's.

cool wreck

2005-08-24T23:58:00.000+08:00

I was on Zhijun's car today and I saw this yellow really cool looking lamborghini flash by. It looked exactly like a scene from a game with all those cool cars racing around with with traffic that gets in your way very much like that in real life. The perfectly rendered machine on the virtual streats of Vegas right there on a Singaporean road. That's when I said something that made Zhijun go, you're sick. I want to see it crash. With my usual straight face whe I say morbid stuff like that.

It's not the first time I saw a car like that in real life, I've in fact seen quite a number of them around, some officers are fucking rich, especially those still single and live off the SAF when it comes to food and lodging, overpaid and underworked, annoying. They have enough cash to spare to spend on a car that they won't take above gear 1 (I don't drive but I was told so, if it's wrong, it's not me) on an average Singaporean road. I've seen my share of lamborghinis and ferraris around camp, they're just not moving when I saw them. I assumed that I thought of the crashing scenerio because of the many sadistic games I played but there's a line to draw to everything. If I saw a stationary car and gets the thought of ripping it's door open and driving it away like in the GTA series, I'd be having serious legal issues. So I very much left those wonder cars in camp alone, just another car I tell myself. I can probably attribute my lack of interest to the fact that I'm usually either on my way home or on a bus sleeping when I see the cars in camp, in short, I don't care.

The thought of wanting to see it crash filled me with adrenaline, I was actually disappointed that it didn't since it would've been one hell of a cool wreck! I can almost imagine it scrapping against the center divider of the road, sparks everywhere, as it got nudged and sandwiched by a rival car. And shortly after that, it'll start shaking, the tyres lose traction and the bonnet flies off in no time. It all happens really fast and the next thing I know, the engine catches fire and I watch in awe as the flaming lamborghini ricochet off the center divider and fly a distance away, all this time, the words "Wall Takedown" keeps flashing. And as I watch the cool flaming wreck sail overhead, can't believe my eyes, I see it move a little as it carefully lands with a smash right in front of another rival car. And the scene just replays over and over with the words "Aftertouch Takedown" flashing in a corner. That's when I get pissed off and hit the "start" button for the game to move on.

What's wrong with wanting to see whether the cool cars really do crash like they do on screen? No harm in putting game physics to the test as far as I'm concern. Now who wants to play liero?

killer dolphins

2005-08-22T23:44:00.000+08:00

The seemingly normal scene before me looks pretty damn weird to me. There I was at some unknown swimming pool with just a few people, all of them I do not know. The fact that I'm at such a pool is weird in itself. At first I thought I was just any other regular pool until I saw people skimming across the surface of the water on their feet, or so I thought. On closer observation, I realised that they are riding dolphins! No shit! I want some dolphin fun too! So I got out of the shitty ass normal average pool and went to the pool with the kick ass dolphins. That pool was deep. No surprise there considering that there are dolphins in it damn it! Real living dolphins that play with humans!

The moment I hit the water, I see a dolphine rushing towards me as it executes a leap out of the water into the other pool, no shit! That's when I remember that documentary I watched on Discovery Channel about dolphins, I remembered specifically and how strong their tails are. That's when I decided that I'm not getting anywhere those creatures whose swipe from their tail can easily smash me against the very hard pool wall.

The next thing I know, I'm at one end of the pool and people around me are getting out rapidly. I noticed the water gradually turning a shade of crimson. That's when I looked back at the other end and see a bunch of "lifeguards", I assume that's what they are, tending to this limp body, well, half of it. I saw the other half of it lying somewhere in the other pool being recovered by yet another group of "lifeguards". It dawned on me that one of the dolphins probably got a little too excited and smacked the loser around a tat too much with its tail. He was probably thrown with great force towards the pool's edge where the top half of his body was ripped off by inertia, landing in the adjecent pool.

It's a dream of course. Yes I have dreams like that. I remember too clearly the many times I wake up thinking to myself, what the fuck was that? Call me morbid or sick, I don't think it matters. Being perfect isn't all good; I have my share of less than perfect dreams.

Reporting at unearthly hours for the bulk of the week, fuck. Staying in sucks, especially without air-con. Not to forget a certain pain in the ass that will hopefully keep his distance.

faded qwerty

2005-08-22T00:08:00.000+08:00

My dad had a hard time typing on my keyboard just minutes ago, cursing and swearing, maybe not, all the while as he type with 1 finger on each hand much like those stereotypical techno-nut always seen on TV.

I won't blame him since quite a number of keys on my keyboard are faded beyond recognition. There's so much visible wear and tear on my keyboard it looks as if it's been used for a much longer time compared to the other bits of my PC bought at the same time a few years back. It also highlighted to me the amazing design of the qwerty keyboard. If you haven't already noticed, QWERTY is the first 6 characters from the left on the top row of the regular keyboard almost everyone uses. I'm sure you remember looking for the alphabates when you first started using a PC wondering why the fuck they put the A such a distance from the B. It so happens that the most frequently used characters are grouped and arranged on the qwerty keyboard to make it easier to use. I'm not sure if this in fact makes it easier to use but the part about grouping the most used alphabates together sure as hell is true since the most faded keys are all located at roughly the same place. The WSAD region, gamers will know the significance of this.

Finally saw Janice after so long. Idiot. She's been so busy I haven't been to her place since forever! And she's always tired for no reason apparently. LIAR! I'll tell you why, too much SEX!!! And spidey walks weird. And zhihui is annoying as ever. I didn't see her for a week but she's still annoying. Plus she's now Kenneth's girlfriend, albeit a pseudo one.

the work of God

2005-08-20T14:22:00.000+08:00

For those do not know of, or remember, my entry about snails a long time ago, the basic idea is that snails should not exist for various reasons.

So you can probably guess the look on my face when I was feeding the iguana and cleaning it's cage when I turn around only to find this grotesque piece of slimy muscle smack right there on my balcony floor. I immediately called for my mum because it's not a garden snail but a water snail. And it's fucking gigantic, making it doubly gross!! She told me that she saw another one of those, smaller, a while ago and removed it. That piece of information is like a smack in the face as I realised that I might have a serious case of snail outbreak in my fish tank! I was told to throw it away while my mum went on with watching TV.

Knowing me, being cooked would've been a better experience for the snail. With the uncanny ability to prolong suffering in questionable invertebrate creatures, it didn't take long for me to associate a snail's suffering to salt. Imagine yourself to be trapped by an invisible barrier, one that spells certain death! You're trapped with no where to run, all you can do is hide in your shit of a shell. Either way you die!

So I sprinkled a ring of salt, a substance so common yet lethal to that which shouldnot exist, around it.

Halo-Legion Custom 1

2005-08-18T23:55:00.000+08:00

Cliche name. I got HQBO duty and I did this at night while watching TV. It's more like I inked an old sketch I have lying around.

boring ass shit.

2005-08-16T19:57:00.000+08:00

I've been subjected to the worst kind of torture these past 2 days. A lecture! I must say, it's boring as shit. The only good thing I can think of that spawned off it is my doodling.

The inks. Click for fullsize.

After about 30 minutes of speed brushing. Click for fullsize.

for janice

2005-08-16T01:56:00.000+08:00

I'm awake at 2am, much like a member of our grp that's been missing out a lot. Fear not, you're not forgotten, you've been missed. I want to play pictionary with the dream team again, not to forget the many nights we stayed over and all that chatting with your friends as you. Then there's the Ben and Jerry's and of course the mahjiong and the DVDs.

Filming is at a all time low without you. Ok it's not only because you're not there, xian is a real pain in the ass when it comes to filming. We're taking her off the big screen.

You neh family misses you so you've got to make time for us when you're free in a few weeks ok.

of the lululu and the bahhhh and disgusting call police

2005-08-15T01:23:00.000+08:00

It's been a week since I got zhihui into our group, now known as the club due to a mistake made by zhihui, she said "wad does the club do?". Befor I can make things clear that it's in fact a group and not a club, things got out of hand because I had to book in on the night of NDP for the blasted GOH the next day. Understand that I won't bother explaining what my abbreviations mean since more often than not, it doesn't matter whether you know what it means, you get the idea anyway. So while I was dragging my ass to camp, stuck on a aromatic bus filled with people not of my race, the members of said group decided to elect a prez, me. It really doesn't matter and nobody really cares.

So back to having zhihui in the group. As expected, she NEVER STOPS! If duracel needs a new weird bunny, she's definitely on the A-list. Other than that, we've been pretty much getting the better side of the deal. She's been subjected to test after test and is doing well so far, still alive. We blanketed her on 2 instances, the first of which lasted longer and involved citrus fruits being forcefully fed to her.

She also claimed the rights for various words not found anywhere, with pride. Words like lululu and bahhhh. Though we argued that bahhhh belongs to xian, she claimed it anyway, chucking aside bleaugh or something like that to xian. Xian came up with something new by the way, blrooogh, which, according to her, is the sound made when she lau sai, too much information there.

Our group appears to communicate well with members of the horde judging from the lingo of our female, though questionable, members. We are also affiliated with the guardians of our neighbourhood, the police since we call them on any instances of disgusting occurrences.

When will the next troll scroll appear. We can only pray.

For entertainment... For entertainment... For entertainment...

TiVO

2005-08-12T22:33:00.000+08:00

I seriously think we shuld have TiVO here. You hear me SCV? GIVE ME
TiVO!!!!

Scroll Keeper

2005-08-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

Remember the many times in life where you play a game or something and there'll be this one enemy, that massive pain in the ass that refuse to die no matter how many times you inflict combo after combo on it, the one mage that has an unlimited supply of mana that enables him to cast spell after spell and summon creature after creature, or simply that one elf with such high agility that you can't ever harm it and even when you do chance upon a hit, the damage would be so insignificant that a simple level 1 heal will be enough for it to recover.

After all the fantasy talk which serves no real purpose, I'll get to the point finally, the troll scrolls are back. This time it's not just bits and bytes of data small, insignificant and easily accessible. This time it's back and it packs with it more punch and grease than ever before. As of when this article was written, I have not seen the scroll physically, it is still in the care of one of my very holy minions. It is still largely intact though a huge protion of it was exorcised, thrown away, by my holy minion's even more holy mother. It's always good to bask in the glory of the holy one but at times like this, I'd much rather the entire scroll be preserved. Valuable relics should never be tarnished, however gross the original scrolls are.

I'm now the official Scroll Keeper, elected by others without me being present and informed only when the decision is made, not that I'm complaining. I'm the only one with one foot in hell in the eyes of my type 2 minion rendering me the only one that will not suffer from the poison of the scrolls. I know that I'll have to get the scroll, what remains of it, from my type 2 minion as soon as humanly possible for every moment it remains in the house of the holy one, is a moment of agony for my type 2 minion, whom I'll address as NaCl from here on, and a danger of it being completely destroyed.

I know how much it takes out of NaCl to narrate to me the contents of the scroll through the very secure channel errected by Starhub and it pains me as I speak these words, that I put NaCl in such a grave position. Even without seeing the scroll, I can feel the raw oily energy radiating off it, piercing into my very being through NaCl and through the Nokia device used as a medium of communication. I feel NaCl contort and writhe in the raw grease of the scroll as she cast the codec on the troll cypher changing it to the words of man. Thereafter I feel her convolute into what I can only perceive as convulsions. I can hardly imagine the pain she feels and I pains me that I have to put my precious minion to such torture. For entertainment! I told myself as I chant the sacred 2 word incantation that is the very driving force behind me, the seat of my powers.

For entertainment... For entertainment...

After a painstaking 5 minutes of narration by NaCl along with some coaxing on my part to get her to say that which sends her into convulsions, I finally caught a glimsp of the much talked about, highly debated and very much sought after troll scroll which will soon be in my care. I must admit, I want it now more than ever.

For entertainment... For entertainment... For entertainment...

I'm so full of shit.

MASITNA

2005-08-09T12:58:00.000+08:00

I got bored and so I do what most people usually don't when they are bored. I made a HATE site.

Since the troll scrolls have stopped, thanks to none other than yours truely, I'm moving onto green pastures. The thing about the world is you can never run out of people that annoy you. Some of them not so much but some, like the subject of Masitna, just gets to you in every damn way possible, so much so that looking at him alone is enought to get my blood boiling. I took a few hours creating the graphics for the layout and everthing, the buddy icons, the link exchange banners, everything! My co-founder put in the tagboard and got most of the members in. I have quite a number of people on my MSN contact list sprouting the pink emo Masitna logo now. Nothing much's been added yet but over the next few months, until me and keith ORD, there will be frequent updates, I hope, on the various reasons that justify our hate for this fucking ASSHOLE called SAM.

That alone is not enough to curb my boredom. So I did this.

People, please use firefox for the love of God. IE sucks and it really annoys me when it shows pages and PNG files wrong.

same sentiments

2005-08-07T01:57:00.000+08:00

Negoki :: wtfwyc.blogspot.com :: walking the tight-rope on the line between heaven and hell :: says:
in view of the fact that our grp is shrinking due to ppling getting attached... we've decided to recruit new members... how say u? wanna join us? me ken xian jan grace. with jan n grace being the ones that sell us out cos they got laid..
luluu says:
wad does the club do?
Negoki :: wtfwyc.blogspot.com :: walking the tight-rope on the line between heaven and hell :: says:
nothing
Negoki :: wtfwyc.blogspot.com :: walking the tight-rope on the line between heaven and hell :: says:
we watch movies n make fun of one another.. add ppl to the top 20 list, have supper and ben n jerry's
Negoki :: wtfwyc.blogspot.com :: walking the tight-rope on the line between heaven and hell :: says:
then once in a while we wait for the troll scrolls
luluu says:
ok im in

i dont know wad kind of shit i got myself into. ha.

The other side of the story.

visiting annoyance

2005-08-05T22:32:00.000+08:00

I hate it when relatives and my parents' friends come to visit. Don't get me wrong here, it's not that I don't like them or anything, the problem doesn't lie with the people that's visiting but at home. My parents get all anal about my room being messy and I have to clean it up and do a shit load of extra work on top of my slacking around.

If I'm not home to "pack", my mum will probably do it for me and that's not good because more often than not, I will not be able to find ANYTHING after she's done with my room. We live in a chaotic world and I kind of like the fact that my room reflects my world, a mess. A mess it may be but that doesn't change the fact that I have everything at my fingertips, more accurately within arms-length. If I need something, I know exactly where to look, it may take a little longer since I'll probably have some flipping to do but I can, more often than not, always find it. Being someone with an extremely erratic train of thought, I'm constantly seeking out different things so I have lots of crap on my table, I like it that way.

The worst is not the packing but my parents! I believe this is the second time I said that but that only proves that they are that annoying! I don't care if my relatives see my room messy so it's my parents that care. So what if a room is messy? Doesn't make it less of a room! And they have this constant need to scream and nag. They go non-stop like a tickertape parade. Then they get pissed off with everyone and we the kids get all the shit. We get yelled at for mundane stuff they pick at just so they can vent their frustration somewhere. Then they put up this fake smile when the visitors come, fake because I don't believe anyone can be pissed off one instant and cheerful the next.

My friends don't care, rather I don't care whether my room is messy or not when they come over. Because we're kids and we all know a really outrageously clean room is just impossible and obviously fake.

"butter" fingers

2005-08-04T19:14:00.000+08:00

When it gets boring, too boring, things start getting interesting around the white house, a little too interesting for some but it's all fun for me.

Keith's queen ant is dead! And it dug itself a hole right smack in the middle of AntWorks, literally digging it's own grave. But no one, not even a guy that gives ant colonies to girls, who like snails, will leave a dead queen untouched and so I can only imagine how much it would take in order to get the dead bug out. He can either burn it to crisp, with the magnifying glass that came with AntWorks or he can use his trusty pair of chopsticks and burrow his way down to the royal chamber and then with said device, remove the queen from her royal slumber and tossing it in the trash, probably. So much for bad karma.

So much of creepy crawlies, not crawling anymore but still creepy. How would you react if you decided that you have to pee and when you're done with your deed, you proceed to the sink, normal people do that, only to find the tap coated with liquid soap. Oh what the hell, so it's a little alkaline, no harm done there, makes my hands cleaner too. It's a pity the particular brand of soap takes a tat longer to wash off. When you're done with that, you wet your hair and pose in front of the mirror thinking you look really hot , when you're in fact scaling the Top 20 at an alarming rate, and when you're finally satisfied, probably after 10 seconds, you head for the door. As you grab the door handle and yank it open, like most people do, you notice a slimy sensation and an overwhelming aroma of rose. Then you realise that the handle is a tat too pink and you have the same liquid soap on your hands! And so you keep the door open with one foot while you wash your yet again soapy hands, all this time looking like one of those really bad renditions of a dog lifting one leg up to pee on those trees by the road.

There you have it, when I'm not practicing my instrument, the euphonium and not otherwise, I'm coming up with various unique and unexpectedly childish ways to irritate normal people.

Eloisa to Abelard

2005-08-02T22:51:00.000+08:00

In these deep solitudes and awful cells,
Where heav'nly-pensive contemplation dwells,
And ever-musing melancholy reigns;
What means this tumult in a vestal's veins?
Why rove my thoughts beyond this last retreat?
Why feels my heart its long-forgotten heat?
Yet, yet I love! — From Abelard it came,
And Eloisa yet must kiss the name.

Dear fatal name! rest ever unreveal'd,
Nor pass these lips in holy silence seal'd.
Hide it, my heart, within that close disguise,
Where mix'd with God's, his lov'd idea lies:
O write it not, my hand — the name appears
Already written — wash it out, my tears!
In vain lost Eloisa weeps and prays,
Her heart still dictates, and her hand obeys.

Relentless walls! whose darksome round contains
Repentant sighs, and voluntary pains:
Ye rugged rocks! which holy knees have worn;
Ye grots and caverns shagg'd with horrid thorn!
Shrines! where their vigils pale-ey'd virgins keep,
And pitying saints, whose statues learn to weep!
Though cold like you, unmov'd, and silent grown,
I have not yet forgot myself to stone.
All is not Heav'n's while Abelard has part,
Still rebel nature holds out half my heart;
Nor pray'rs nor fasts its stubborn pulse restrain,
Nor tears, for ages, taught to flow in vain.

Soon as thy letters trembling I unclose,
That well-known name awakens all my woes.
Oh name for ever sad! for ever dear!
Still breath'd in sighs, still usher'd with a tear.
I tremble too, where'er my own I find,
Some dire misfortune follows close behind.
Line after line my gushing eyes o'erflow,
Led through a sad variety of woe:
Now warm in love, now with'ring in thy bloom,
Lost in a convent's solitary gloom!
There stern religion quench'd th' unwilling flame,
There died the best of passions, love and fame.

Yet write, oh write me all, that I may join
Griefs to thy griefs, and echo sighs to thine.
Nor foes nor fortune take this pow'r away;
And is my Abelard less kind than they?
Tears still are mine, and those I need not spare,
Love but demands what else were shed in pray'r;
No happier task these faded eyes pursue;
To read and weep is all they now can do.

Then share thy pain, allow that sad relief;
Ah, more than share it! give me all thy grief.
Heav'n first taught letters for some wretch's aid,
Some banish'd lover, or some captive maid;
They live, they speak, they breathe what love inspires,
Warm from the soul, and faithful to its fires,
The virgin's wish without her fears impart,
Excuse the blush, and pour out all the heart,
Speed the soft intercourse from soul to soul,
And waft a sigh from Indus to the Pole.

Thou know'st how guiltless first I met thy flame,
When Love approach'd me under Friendship's name;
My fancy form'd thee of angelic kind,
Some emanation of th' all-beauteous Mind.
Those smiling eyes, attemp'ring ev'ry day,
Shone sweetly lambent with celestial day.
Guiltless I gaz'd; heav'n listen'd while you sung;
And truths divine came mended from that tongue.
From lips like those what precept fail'd to move?
Too soon they taught me 'twas no sin to love.
Back through the paths of pleasing sense I ran,
Nor wish'd an Angel whom I lov'd a Man.
Dim and remote the joys of saints I see;
Nor envy them, that heav'n I lose for thee.

How oft, when press'd to marriage, have I said,
Curse on all laws but those which love has made!
Love, free as air, at sight of human ties,
Spreads his light wings, and in a moment flies,
Let wealth, let honour, wait the wedded dame,
August her deed, and sacred be her fame;
Before true passion all those views remove,
Fame, wealth, and honour! what are you to Love?
The jealous God, when we profane his fires,
Those restless passions in revenge inspires;
And bids them make mistaken mortals groan,
Who seek in love for aught but love alone.
Should at my feet the world's great master fall,
Himself, his throne, his world, I'd scorn 'em all:
Not Caesar's empress would I deign to prove;
No, make me mistress to the man I love;
If there be yet another name more free,
More fond than mistress, make me that to thee!
Oh happy state! when souls each other draw,
When love is liberty, and nature, law:
All then is full, possessing, and possess'd,
No craving void left aching in the breast:
Ev'n thought meets thought, ere from the lips it part,
And each warm wish springs mutual from the heart.
This sure is bliss (if bliss on earth there be)
And once the lot of Abelard and me.

Alas, how chang'd! what sudden horrors rise!
A naked lover bound and bleeding lies!
Where, where was Eloise? her voice, her hand,
Her poniard, had oppos'd the dire command.
Barbarian, stay! that bloody stroke restrain;
The crime was common, common be the pain.
I can no more; by shame, by rage suppress'd,
Let tears, and burning blushes speak the rest.

Canst thou forget that sad, that solemn day,
When victims at yon altar's foot we lay?
Canst thou forget what tears that moment fell,
When, warm in youth, I bade the world farewell?
As with cold lips I kiss'd the sacred veil,
The shrines all trembl'd, and the lamps grew pale:
Heav'n scarce believ'd the conquest it survey'd,
And saints with wonder heard the vows I made.
Yet then, to those dread altars as I drew,
Not on the Cross my eyes were fix'd, but you:
Not grace, or zeal, love only was my call,
And if I lose thy love, I lose my all.
Come! with thy looks, thy words, relieve my woe;
Those still at least are left thee to bestow.
Still on that breast enamour'd let me lie,
Still drink delicious poison from thy eye,
Pant on thy lip, and to thy heart be press'd;
Give all thou canst — and let me dream the rest.
Ah no! instruct me other joys to prize,
With other beauties charm my partial eyes,
Full in my view set all the bright abode,
And make my soul quit Abelard for God.

Ah, think at least thy flock deserves thy care,
Plants of thy hand, and children of thy pray'r.
From the false world in early youth they fled,
By thee to mountains, wilds, and deserts led.
You rais'd these hallow'd walls; the desert smil'd,
And Paradise was open'd in the wild.
No weeping orphan saw his father's stores
Our shrines irradiate, or emblaze the floors;
No silver saints, by dying misers giv'n,
Here brib'd the rage of ill-requited heav'n:
But such plain roofs as piety could raise,
And only vocal with the Maker's praise.
In these lone walls (their days eternal bound)
These moss-grown domes with spiry turrets crown'd,
Where awful arches make a noonday night,
And the dim windows shed a solemn light;
Thy eyes diffus'd a reconciling ray,
And gleams of glory brighten'd all the day.
But now no face divine contentment wears,
'Tis all blank sadness, or continual tears.
See how the force of others' pray'rs I try,
(O pious fraud of am'rous charity!)
But why should I on others' pray'rs depend?
Come thou, my father, brother, husband, friend!
Ah let thy handmaid, sister, daughter move,
And all those tender names in one, thy love!
The darksome pines that o'er yon rocks reclin'd
Wave high, and murmur to the hollow wind,
The wand'ring streams that shine between the hills,
The grots that echo to the tinkling rills,
The dying gales that pant upon the trees,
The lakes that quiver to the curling breeze;
No more these scenes my meditation aid,
Or lull to rest the visionary maid.
But o'er the twilight groves and dusky caves,
Long-sounding aisles, and intermingled graves,
Black Melancholy sits, and round her throws
A death-like silence, and a dread repose:
Her gloomy presence saddens all the scene,
Shades ev'ry flow'r, and darkens ev'ry green,
Deepens the murmur of the falling floods,
And breathes a browner horror on the woods.

Yet here for ever, ever must I stay;
Sad proof how well a lover can obey!
Death, only death, can break the lasting chain;
And here, ev'n then, shall my cold dust remain,
Here all its frailties, all its flames resign,
And wait till 'tis no sin to mix with thine.

Ah wretch! believ'd the spouse of God in vain,
Confess'd within the slave of love and man.
Assist me, Heav'n! but whence arose that pray'r?
Sprung it from piety, or from despair?
Ev'n here, where frozen chastity retires,
Love finds an altar for forbidden fires.
I ought to grieve, but cannot what I ought;
I mourn the lover, not lament the fault;
I view my crime, but kindle at the view,
Repent old pleasures, and solicit new;
Now turn'd to Heav'n, I weep my past offence,
Now think of thee, and curse my innocence.
Of all affliction taught a lover yet,
'Tis sure the hardest science to forget!
How shall I lose the sin, yet keep the sense,
And love th' offender, yet detest th' offence?
How the dear object from the crime remove,
Or how distinguish penitence from love?
Unequal task! a passion to resign,
For hearts so touch'd, so pierc'd, so lost as mine.
Ere such a soul regains its peaceful state,
How often must it love, how often hate!
How often hope, despair, resent, regret,
Conceal, disdain — do all things but forget.
But let Heav'n seize it, all at once 'tis fir'd;
Not touch'd, but rapt; not waken'd, but inspir'd!
Oh come! oh teach me nature to subdue,
Renounce my love, my life, myself — and you.
Fill my fond heart with God alone, for he
Alone can rival, can succeed to thee.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;
"Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"
Desires compos'd, affections ever ev'n,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav'n.
Grace shines around her with serenest beams,
And whisp'ring angels prompt her golden dreams.
For her th' unfading rose of Eden blooms,
And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes,
For her the Spouse prepares the bridal ring,
For her white virgins hymeneals sing,
To sounds of heav'nly harps she dies away,
And melts in visions of eternal day.

Far other dreams my erring soul employ,
Far other raptures, of unholy joy:
When at the close of each sad, sorrowing day,
Fancy restores what vengeance snatch'd away,
Then conscience sleeps, and leaving nature free,
All my loose soul unbounded springs to thee.
Oh curs'd, dear horrors of all-conscious night!
How glowing guilt exalts the keen delight!
Provoking Daemons all restraint remove,
And stir within me every source of love.
I hear thee, view thee, gaze o'er all thy charms,
And round thy phantom glue my clasping arms.
I wake — no more I hear, no more I view,
The phantom flies me, as unkind as you.
I call aloud; it hears not what I say;
I stretch my empty arms; it glides away.
To dream once more I close my willing eyes;
Ye soft illusions, dear deceits, arise!
Alas, no more — methinks we wand'ring go
Through dreary wastes, and weep each other's woe,
Where round some mould'ring tower pale ivy creeps,
And low-brow'd rocks hang nodding o'er the deeps.
Sudden you mount, you beckon from the skies;
Clouds interpose, waves roar, and winds arise.
I shriek, start up, the same sad prospect find,
And wake to all the griefs I left behind.

For thee the fates, severely kind, ordain
A cool suspense from pleasure and from pain;
Thy life a long, dead calm of fix'd repose;
No pulse that riots, and no blood that glows.
Still as the sea, ere winds were taught to blow,
Or moving spirit bade the waters flow;
Soft as the slumbers of a saint forgiv'n,
And mild as opening gleams of promis'd heav'n.

Come, Abelard! for what hast thou to dread?
The torch of Venus burns not for the dead.
Nature stands check'd; Religion disapproves;
Ev'n thou art cold — yet Eloisa loves.
Ah hopeless, lasting flames! like those that burn
To light the dead, and warm th' unfruitful urn.

What scenes appear where'er I turn my view?
The dear ideas, where I fly, pursue,
Rise in the grove, before the altar rise,
Stain all my soul, and wanton in my eyes.
I waste the matin lamp in sighs for thee,
Thy image steals between my God and me,
Thy voice I seem in ev'ry hymn to hear,
With ev'ry bead I drop too soft a tear.
When from the censer clouds of fragrance roll,
And swelling organs lift the rising soul,
One thought of thee puts all the pomp to flight,
Priests, tapers, temples, swim before my sight:
In seas of flame my plunging soul is drown'd,
While altars blaze, and angels tremble round.

While prostrate here in humble grief I lie,
Kind, virtuous drops just gath'ring in my eye,
While praying, trembling, in the dust I roll,
And dawning grace is op'ning on my soul:
Come, if thou dar'st, all charming as thou art!
Oppose thyself to Heav'n; dispute my heart;
Come, with one glance of those deluding eyes
Blot out each bright idea of the skies;
Take back that grace, those sorrows, and those tears;
Take back my fruitless penitence and pray'rs;
Snatch me, just mounting, from the blest abode;
Assist the fiends, and tear me from my God!

No, fly me, fly me, far as pole from pole;
Rise Alps between us! and whole oceans roll!
Ah, come not, write not, think not once of me,
Nor share one pang of all I felt for thee.
Thy oaths I quit, thy memory resign;
Forget, renounce me, hate whate'er was mine.
Fair eyes, and tempting looks (which yet I view!)
Long lov'd, ador'd ideas, all adieu!
Oh Grace serene! oh virtue heav'nly fair!
Divine oblivion of low-thoughted care!
Fresh blooming hope, gay daughter of the sky!
And faith, our early immortality!
Enter, each mild, each amicable guest;
Receive, and wrap me in eternal rest!

See in her cell sad Eloisa spread,
Propp'd on some tomb, a neighbour of the dead.
In each low wind methinks a spirit calls,
And more than echoes talk along the walls.
Here, as I watch'd the dying lamps around,
From yonder shrine I heard a hollow sound.
"Come, sister, come!" (it said, or seem'd to say)
"Thy place is here, sad sister, come away!
Once like thyself, I trembled, wept, and pray'd,
Love's victim then, though now a sainted maid:
But all is calm in this eternal sleep;
Here grief forgets to groan, and love to weep,
Ev'n superstition loses ev'ry fear:
For God, not man, absolves our frailties here."

I come, I come! prepare your roseate bow'rs,
Celestial palms, and ever-blooming flow'rs.
Thither, where sinners may have rest, I go,
Where flames refin'd in breasts seraphic glow:
Thou, Abelard! the last sad office pay,
And smooth my passage to the realms of day;
See my lips tremble, and my eye-balls roll,
Suck my last breath, and catch my flying soul!
Ah no — in sacred vestments may'st thou stand,
The hallow'd taper trembling in thy hand,
Present the cross before my lifted eye,
Teach me at once, and learn of me to die.
Ah then, thy once-lov'd Eloisa see!
It will be then no crime to gaze on me.
See from my cheek the transient roses fly!
See the last sparkle languish in my eye!
Till ev'ry motion, pulse, and breath be o'er;
And ev'n my Abelard be lov'd no more.
O Death all-eloquent! you only prove
What dust we dote on, when 'tis man we love.

Then too, when fate shall thy fair frame destroy,
(That cause of all my guilt, and all my joy)
In trance ecstatic may thy pangs be drown'd,
Bright clouds descend, and angels watch thee round,
From op'ning skies may streaming glories shine,
And saints embrace thee with a love like mine.

May one kind grave unite each hapless name,
And graft my love immortal on thy fame!
Then, ages hence, when all my woes are o'er,
When this rebellious heart shall beat no more;
If ever chance two wand'ring lovers brings
To Paraclete's white walls and silver springs,
O'er the pale marble shall they join their heads,
And drink the falling tears each other sheds;
Then sadly say, with mutual pity mov'd,
"Oh may we never love as these have lov'd!"

From the full choir when loud Hosannas rise,
And swell the pomp of dreadful sacrifice,
Amid that scene if some relenting eye
Glance on the stone where our cold relics lie,
Devotion's self shall steal a thought from Heav'n,
One human tear shall drop and be forgiv'n.
And sure, if fate some future bard shall join
In sad similitude of griefs to mine,
Condemn'd whole years in absence to deplore,
And image charms he must behold no more;
Such if there be, who loves so long, so well;
Let him our sad, our tender story tell;
The well-sung woes will soothe my pensive ghost;
He best can paint 'em, who shall feel 'em most.

By Alexander Pope

the sinner's prayer

2005-07-31T21:09:00.000+08:00

I should probably have written this before my previous entry but nobody really cares. I was told to go for this particular service by none other than the City Harvest Church because of a particular guest appearing there for an annual event. What's the name of that guy again? Mike something... Cornell! Yes, Mike Cornell. Got that from my msn log of xian. I was told it'll be really cool and scary, yes I know those 2 don't exactly come together but I really really do not give a shit.

So I went with Kenneth and Zong~Zong. And they wanted to go down to the front of the stage from our seats to be delivered. Don't expect me to be left behind with a whole bunch of screaming jumping praying people so of course I followed them. It's a mess I tell you, people are falling, as in collapse! boom! right there at my feet. It triggered quite a number of what the fucks, yes yes I'm in the house of God yada yada yada no shit who cares, people are stepping on my toes and that really pisses me off. So I stood there and by now Kenneth and Zong~Zong are somewhere in the crowd of eager packages, waiting to be delivered, ok that's really lame. Then I spotted Kenneth lying on the ground amoungst people, girls, looking very much in pain and his pants are half way down his ass rendering his boxers exposed, checkered and all. I went over and nudged him awake and asked what the hell happened and he responded with his usual it's-like-I'm-hit-by-a-truck routine, no surprise there. So he led me to try it out, and that I did.

So I stood there with my eyes close, as I'm supposed to, and then this guy reaches over and puts on hand on the area just under my breastbone, not quite the stomach yet, and started praying very very close to my ear, probably because it's so noisy there I really really can't hear shit if you don't shout. So I waited and listened to every word, nothing happened. I remain standing, no surprise there too.

So I waited and after a while this Chinese guy came over and asked me what I wanted him to pray for me for. To which I replied, jus praying in general. No in general he says and went on to elaborate with a few questions of whether I worship any idols at home or whatever which I thought I’m a free thinker without a religion what the fuck? So I replied that I don’t have any of such idols at home and he went on with are you Christian. No. Do you want to invite Jesus into your heart? Understand that at that moment I’m standing there pretty much alone with this guy with people falling down all around me and I thought what the hell, erm… ok. With that he led me to one side, and the first thing that struck me was what the fuck did I do this time and what have I gotten myself into? I thought that he’ll lead me to a room with that fabled brain-washing device but no. We stood at the side of the stage and he said this, repeat after me. And so I did. It was really noisy and I really couldn’t hear some of his words clearly so I made up what fits to fill the gap, nothing major just a few words here and there.

So after the deed is done. He called out to this guy and told me he’s a cell group leader, no shit! I’m in it deep now! Lucky for me, Kenneth was there and he bailed me out by saying that he’ll lead me to his cell group leader, who obviously doesn’t exist since he’s not from CHC anymore. I’m really thankful for that and I’m really glad I didn’t get any weird calls.

So there you have it, I didn’t know what I said until I was told by Kenneth later that it’s the sinner’s prayer. He also pointed out that the guy that prayed for, with, me is Pastor Tan, second in command of CHC or something like that and it’s supposed to be damn cool. That’s it, I’m now a “brother” in Kenneth’s words but seriously, I don’t think it means anything unless I know what exactly I’m saying before I actually say it.

I’m the only prophet here so don’t go thinking you’re right or whatever and conclude that you’re right for thinking that I’ll be Christian eventually. Xian you are still type 2.

people always say I'm mean

2005-07-31T01:23:00.000+08:00

It's true, I'll say weird shit or bad stuff about other people, most of the time I don't even know them. And when I do know them, it just makes it worse doesn't it? So people around me will be obliged to tell me off and bring to my attention, not that I don't know it in the first place, that I'm not being nice to whoever and that I'm in fact mean and bad in the words of them. To which I will agree. I am being bad and mean to whoever it is, it's a fact. Putting it in words doesn't change anything does it? What's interesting is that everyone will be morally correct when they point it out to me but none of them ever disagree with me. See the thing is, I may be mean and bad but I'm not lying. When I state the obvious or bring to light what most people will avoid in the hope of being nice to the unfortunately someone, I'm being mean but no one can disagree. You can say that I'm mean and all but you can't defend the subject because what I said is true!

stone

2005-07-27T23:08:00.000+08:00

I've been doing that a lot lately. To just sit and do nothing. It's in fact much more appealing to me than most of the other activities normal people go for since, well, I'm pretty much broke until the next pay day. To stone alone is just lame so I've got a few friends that'll stone with me once in a while. To stone is not to be void of activity, as long as it doesn't get too physical, it's fine. Pictionary is physical, so that kind of narrows down the scope of activities done while stoning don't you think? Because stoning requires that little energy, I can stone all night. Which is exactly what happened and it turned out to be pretty cool. All the catching up with old friends and to know about stuff you'd otherwise never find out in a normal conversation with a fixed topic in mind.

When meeting up with an old friend, you haven't really talked with before, whose impression of you is pretty much centered around a particular amphibian you gave as a present many years ago, there's no better ice breaker than a pet iguana. It's as eeky to one who doesn't like amphibians but not as slimy and it stands out like an errection in a gay bar. Ok, wrong analogy but seriously, quite fitting don't you think?

It takes more than a little girl with braces wielding a flashlight with whatever supposedly scary miscellaneous accessories to scare any sensible adult college student. Don't you think so xian? Haw Par Villa should work damn fine, that or this. Not for those with a weak heart, weak bladder, diarrhea, kidney failure, braces, christians, above or under the age of 18. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

it's all for me

2005-07-23T15:50:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, things are just staring you in the face and you never see it until someone tells you it's right there.

Which is easier, to lose or to never have? What ifs scares me to hell you know, all along I live in fear that someday what I should have done would come right back and smack me in the face. All along I thought that it's better to give up and move on to greener pastures, that in my short life as a human in this world,I've got to experience everything, as much as I can. So recently I've been really confused. There's no way to put what I have in mind down in words. In a nut shell, I lost somethings and those are pretty damn hard to give up. But everyone is telling me I should, everyone I know and care for. What if for this once, I'm wrong? That just brings me to all those times I might've been wrong too. What if all these years, I've been living with nothing but a lie.

What if you are the only thing that can remind someone else of who that person was before everything changed. And all this time, you're just worried that everything that someone lost will never ever be reclaimed if you leave? Then comes the question, what if that someone doesn't want it back? Then everything you do will only be for yourself and everything you believe in is nothing.

Which is harder, living a lie or knowing it?

One Tree Hill :: Nathan Scott - I realise now that when your heart breaks you gotta fight like hell to make sure you're still alive, cause you are. And that pain you feel is life. The confusion and fear, that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better and that something is worth fighting for.

One Tree Hill :: Peyton Sawyer - Yes, losing your heart's desire's tragic, but gaining you heart's desire is all you can hope for.

never too late

2005-07-21T14:19:00.000+08:00

That's just my excuse for writing about this so late but, well, who cares? Right?

It's never too late to start somethings, like catching up on stuff that's happend the last few years we haven't seen one another. It's pretty cool to talk about the past, to say things I've been wanting to say, and to know stuff that's always been bugging me, or just curious about at that.

And so it turned out pretty well considering that everything's done pretty much within the last week. In fact, the chalet-bbq-gathering pretty much rock! The first night at least, the next day and night is just a small bunch of us doing mundane stuff, walking trails, looking for the Earth Dragon. Then there's the 3 hour interrogation at Sakae which is really damn fun too.

I was having this conversation with Weiyi about the times in dhs and why I don't feel the need or the urge to just go back there and sit around and chill, and I kind of said something that is really pretty cool but I never would've noticed it if it wasn't pointed out to me. So I was saying, I didn't really need to go back there because what most people go back for would be to remind themselves of all the memories and stuff. I don't need to do that, everything that makes my life great at DHS is still here; it's more of a everyone at that. We still hang out and do stuff all the time, DHS is just a place and it'll always just be a location, it's really nothing much unless the people I spent my time with there are there.

This entry is all very girly-me so I'll do a less extravagant version of it, thanks for being there everyone. Totally girly-me.

some really weird shit

2005-07-21T00:06:00.000+08:00

So I had nothing to do and hence went to Sim Lim with Jia Hong & Weng for whatever god forsaken reason. And we saw some pretty ironic shit there. Being the budget friendly place most of you know it to be, there are some really cheap stuff there, what’s weird is not what’s sold but rather the products it shelves.

We saw a pair of “Professional Earphones with Microphone” that comes in a fancy box with the picture of a girl and said pair of headphones photoshoped onto her, going for $10.

Sometimes people are just so full of shit. Everything can be counterfeited, including the iPod shuffle. We saw this mp3 player called the “Super Tangent” and it looks like, none other than, the iPod shuffle. In fact, I thought it was some new Shuffle condom-like product with a fancy name and cool over-sized boxed with the player being the dummy used to show how it’ll look on a shuffle. I was wrong. When Weng pointed it out to me I was like what the fuck? But I apparently looked like I wanted to know more about it since the sales person went rambling on and on about the features. The only reason Weng pointed it out was because it’s so lame.

But nothing beats what I’m about to pollute you with.
This.

The iPod shuffle dock. Probably the most useless thing I’ve ever seen. It’s like getting a dock for your thumbdrive. STUPID!! Why the fuck would anyone spend money on a fancy looking USB cable extension? It’s, as far as I know, the most useless accessory EVER!

one tree hill

2005-07-15T21:51:00.000+08:00

It's so good it's trashy. Ok I take that back, it was good THEN it became trashy, not as trashy as The OC but trashy anyways. Well, maybe not that trashy but all that high school drama is getting on my nerves. They fuck around so much without much thinking but it takes forever to sort things out when 2 people actually love each other, now if that's not stupid, I don't know what is.

Now here's something you all can use, probably sometime in the future since it's just not fair if you read it here, where it kicks so much ass, and don't get to use it somewhere.

I never meant to hurt you.

That doesn't really matter (input name), `cause in the end it just hurts all the same.

Here's an apple for those that thinks that I just gave you all a spoiler I shouldn't have. If you can't see it, you're probably stupid since that's the exact same thing that made you think that I should put a "spoiler alert".

mesmerise

2005-07-15T02:26:00.000+08:00

Who would have thought that I'd actually go to the concert by Sengoku Gakuen College of Music Wind Ensemble after all that I did to try and give the tickets away.

I was never a fan of the auxiliary percussion instruements, they always appear to me to be, well, auxiliary, not very important. Not that I'm any more of a fan now but at that concert I was.

I'd never imagine that anyone can play the tambourine that well, with such grace that it's mesmerising. Mesmerising's the word to use here since that's exactly how I felt when I saw her play. I don't know her name and I don't think I'll ever see her again but I'll be damned if I ever forget that night I watch her play. You know that feeling you get when something catches your attention and you know that's the best you'll ever see or experience, sounding like sex already but nevermind, of that? Same feeling when I saw her play. After that piece, my eyes never left her for long, thanks to the mesmerising grace, a certain quality, the X factor in tambourine manipulation, she possess. Not to forget that she's just so damn cute! I can keep her in my pocket and bring her home!

And no it's not just me! I'm not the only one that noticed her playing so fuck off to those that think I'm one of those shallow hals that see nothing beneath the skin.

Fantastic 4

2005-07-10T00:23:00.000+08:00

Farn-tars-tic four, as the brits will say, great movie. It's not prefect, some of the jokes are a tat too cheesy, which is not good for ~~diarrea~~ diarrhoea according to the amazing caves, but it's a fine movie on the whole.

You know I watch too much Discovery Channel when I know the answer to every damn "Chemistry 101" question raised in the movie.

Everyone's got stuff you don't talk to them about, like peace with George Bush, bloggers with Maddox, breasts with the amazing caves, moles with fontane, chin lee with kenneth, etc.

For me, it falls ~~cleaning~~ cleanly into 2 categories, according to kenneth.
Band stuff, tech. & comp. stuff. Simply because I don't know when to stop. I'll 1 up the list with God. You don't talk to me about God because of stuff like this.

Stepping out of the car, I look up to be greeted by a gigantic neon-edge crucifix, obviously unlit in the middle of the afternoon, followed by a door marked by the words "Victory Family Centre". Yes it's not a dream, as much as I wanted it to be, I was standing on Christian premise, otherwise known as holy ground. My presence there was not without reason or rhyme, I was cornered on all sides and bounded by a bond made not by me. Thankfully, I'm not sure if this is anymore accurate than Nostradamus' armageddon prediction, I was not alone. Leading the way was one of the twins, followed by none other than pst. Kenneth himself. Stepping into the building, I felt no change nor revelation, the first thing that came to my mind was however, what's with the escalator? And on that we rode to the 2nd storey, where everything, not much, took place.

I'm not about to start a feminist movement but I sincerely feel for all the women that get the monthly cramps. The helplessness I felt with the wrenching pain that come and go in pulses cannot be accurately portrayed with words. The closest I can get is FUCKING PAIN!! I sat with Kenneth at what I can only assume to be the lounge, complete with sofas and cushions, a fus ball table which I trashed Kenneth at, some tables covered with mahjiong paper for any artistic relief by anyone, many people drew images of shit thinking it's amusing, it would have been if I was 7, and a counter that sells hotdogs and drinks.

There was much loitering around, exploring on my part as I walk through the few corridors and gaze into the many empty rooms filled with nothing. I wasn't looking for anything in particular but I guess I was secretly hoping to find some stowed away brain washing device, maybe on a smaller scale relative to the one owned by the City Harvest cult. As you should know by now, considering that I wrote it just a little while ago, that I have diarrea, I spent sometime in the toilet doing number 2. Kenneth had ~~diarrea~~ diarrhoea too so when he came in and announced that the people are praying in tongues, wasn't surprised, and that yixian forbid me to enter, not knowing that I was, at that time, busy making shit. It was early and I did what I do best, just to make my point, and did for them an ambigram that says "edge". Some ill informed people do not know what ambigrams are and that was corrected by none other than yours truely.

The service eventually started with quite an audience. They went straight into a song to begin with and another to go. The lead singer was this huge guy, form New Zealand I was told, which sang a little off key and was relatively flat on the higher register thus resulting in a couple of diminished 7th ~~cords~~ chords( do you seriously think I know what this is?) and making me cringe. I like the songs, really, but I felt it would have been very much better.

We first moved to the front to make faces at yixian hoping she would screw up but so sad for us, she didn't, not surprised since she can jump, sing and play the keyboard at the same time, amazing. We then proceeded to the back where I can not get killed if I laugh out loud.

Standing at the back, I was able to observe the rest of the crowd. You know the scenerio you see on TV with regards to rock concerts with the fans and audience singing along and jumping for no reason, pretty much the same as what I saw. Quite a number of them did weird things with their hands while singing along with their eyes closed. The weird hand gestures are apparently acts of prayer. I have ~~not~~ no visual feed so you'll have to rely on your imagination for the image I'm about to paint. With the same vivid explaination given to me by Kenneth, the hand gestures can be classified into 3 distinct styles.

1. The hands cupping Moses Lim's tits style. Palms facing up at slightly above waist level, held a little away from the body. This is the I-feel-tired-so-I'm-kinda-resting-my-hands-but-I'm -still-praying style.

2. The hands in the air pushing Moses Lim up a tonner style. Palms facing up as usual but this time above the head. Very enthusiastic, everyone come smell my B.O. style.

3. The retro finger pointing. I get the idea God likes to be pointed at him since some people do it a lot. It gets to you when someone de does the Elvis gig without songs like "Jailhouse Rock".

Like in a trance, they swayed with the music chanting occasionally, some even crying for no apparant reason. I had fun observing the weird actions of some people, average joes doing weird stunts thinking no one cares, no one cares really. Some look stupid. If I have a video camera on me, I'd have taken some Ebaum's world worthy vids of some really ~~psychomotor~~ psychomotor people.

The pastor was a great speaker. He's charismatic and engaging cracking jokes as he address us. I'm beginning to understand the appeal of such services and probably scratching the surface as to why the religion appeals to so many clueless people who follow blindly. There are elements of truth in what he says and the engaging nature of the service makes people feel comfortable. I did not find the answers I seek but for those who believe, it will make them continue to believe. As for me, there's really nothing much I can disagree with but I also noticed that when the words "Jesus" are replaced with the name of anyone else, the content of what was taught will not change. If you believe in "Jesus", or whatever name was put in place, it will strengthen your faith.

garbage paint

2005-07-07T00:39:00.000+08:00

It took a long long long long long long long long long long time to get this done and yet it still sucks so much...
really cheap finish, not something I'd usually do, to re-use a background but who cares... cheap finish indeed.

points of authority

2005-07-05T21:17:00.000+08:00

It suddenly dawn on me that people I know can be classified using various ways, most of which can be easily represented into 3 distinct levels.

People who agree with me, People who eventually agree with me, People who are wrong.

People I like, People I'm neutral with, Sam.

my shortest entry yet.

2005-07-02T22:17:00.000+08:00

You know how much I hate walking.
With you, I can walk forever...

Is there a God?

2005-07-02T15:29:00.000+08:00

I haven't done my religion gig in a long time and I probably wouldn't have done this if not for some thought provoking article I happen to Stumble! upon. I'll post reproduce it here word for word, aka copy-&-paste, in case it ever gets removed in the future when someone reads this.

Source

In order to present the article true and unaltered, I did screenshots of it and pieced it together.
You can also get the PDF version here.

I'd first like to make it clear once again my stand on the existence of God. I belive in the existence of a greater being but not in Jesus. The title caught my attention and so I read. I actually agree to some of the points but probably in a different way. I'll break it down point by point, in order of my reading, it'll get a little messy as I refer back to her previously made points.

In point 1, she wrote that billions of people throughout history believed that God exists, I so agree. Ever culture have their own image of God and most of these cultures started off with 1 God, even those cultures with many gods have 1 God that is the most powerful. I'm not sure what this proves but apparently it's supposed to prove the existence of God. She quoted the Bible in her introductory passage which led me to conclude that she's a Christian which led me to wonder why this point, which suggests that different cultures have different Gods, will support her claim that God exists and that Jesus is the only way to God as illustrated in point 5 and 6.

I started to get skeptical at point 2 with all that she wrote about Earth. She first noted the unique position of earth, the unique configuration and blance of it's distance from the sun, it's size, composition and gravity, presence of water, and the distance and size of the moon. About life on earth and how impossible it is for every factor she mentioned to be at the right place at the right time. I will not disagree with her about life on earth and how the perfect balance sustains it however, the fact that she's talking about life on earth is the greatest flaw in her argument. I believe I can safely assume that from what she wrote, she's only taken into consideration life on earth, that water and air is essential to sustain life and that in order for there to be life, there must be oxygen in it's gaseous state and water in it's liquid form. There's also the assumption that life cannot exist beyond the range of temperatueres as experienced by that of the earth.

I believe that with the limitless possibilities of the universe, extra-terrestrial life can exist and as it's name suggest, not of earth. As off today, our perception of what aliens look like or behave is still largely influence by our impressions of earthlings. The fact that we portray aliens as humanoid beings is the best example. Now let's assume that water and oxygen is absolutely essential to sustain life, isn't it possible that life exists on a planet with gravity so strong and temperatures so low, it pressurises oxygen into liquid and life itself swims in the very air they breath?

She also wrote about the marvels of the human brain, which I personally think doesn't explain anything. Humans learn and knowledge is passed down through communication. The fact that the Bible still exists is the best example. Humans are not born with the knowledge we have today, we are not born with the ability to write or talk, we are born with the ability to function like any other creature in this world, to eat, sleep, shit, whatever. What sets us apart is our ability to learn and to create. The human brain is just another organ doing it's job in the human body. The brain of someone void of education and that of someone educated is the same when stripped of information, information not from an individual but from a history of probing and research, a train of thought enhanced and archived through generations.

Hence point 2, though lengthy, doesn't prove anything. It does however help bring out her argument in point 3. All the complexity cannot be a mere "chance". To brand all the seemingly random events with "chance" would be injustice. Creation is a highly complex orchestrated process of God, is that it? The fact that all of creation is constantly changing proves that God is sustaining life? The world today is in no way similar to when it first came about, it's constantly changing and improving, so to say, until what it is now. Can we then conclude that evolution is an act of God? If so, wouldn't it contradict the idea that God will not let any of his creations become extinct?

Point 4. Sociology, doesn't prove that God exists. Our supposed inherent sense of what's right and wrong originates from what benefits us and not. Whatever is to our advantage is right and whatever is not is wrong. It's that simple and it's not exclusive to humans. An animal will get pissed if you take his food away. The same animal will get pissed if you kill it's mate. However, not all creatures are like that, some feed on their mate, mantis & spiders, some eat their young, hamsters, all these acts may or may not be exclusive to the species. It's the same in human society. In some societies, it's normal to have an arranged marriage regardless of whether the person in subject is willing or not, it's right to them. However it's frowned upon in other societies and hence it's wrong. It's all relative and constantly evolving.

Point 5 and 6. I'll put these together since they both relate to the Christian faith. I'd like to point out once again that you can't prove something to be correct by what that something claims. You can't prove that Jesus in fact came back to life because it's recorded in the Bible when you only know of the event from the Bible itself. Why is it that miracles performed by other religious figures are dispelled as myths while that of Jesus really happened when everything is common? Why is Jesus the only path to God just because he said so? Sounding very much like a spoilt child don't you think?

God created the world we live in, and created us specifically to have a relationship with Him.
He deeply loves us.
We have sinned and are under God's judgment, in need of His forgiveness.
God provided a way for our sins to be forgiven.
He asks us to receive His forgiveness and have a relationship with Him that will last eternally.

Of the above 5 points, points 1, 2 & 5 are common in ALL religions involving a God. Points 3 and 4 are linked and can be applied to other religions as well. When you sin in other religions, there are ways for you to repent and be saved, as in Christian context. The difference is that for Christians, you are born sinned and you are saved even before you are born. Doesn't make sense to you? Doesn't make sense to me either.

I spent close to 2 hours writing this, mainly because I can and also largely because I'm bored.
With reference to my last statement,

"Although the SAF has not been called to battle, precious sons and daughters have been lost in the process of serving the country. Let us observe a minute of silence to remember our comrades in arms."

What's your point?!

Closer

2005-06-30T18:50:00.000+08:00

Yes yes yes, I'm slow and that affects the world how? Well, I have seen bits of it on several seperate occasions, caught the front and missed the rest to Bridge, caught some bits at Jan's, caught some bits in bunk, etc. But I guess that doesn't change the fact that I haven't actually seen it until now, when I'm so bored and that's the only show I have unwatched.

Spoiler Alert! Highlight to see.

About 52 minutes into the movie:

Alice: No one will ever love you as much as I do. Why isn't love enough?

What? You're gonna fuck me for that spoiler? No? Of course no. I put a "Spoiler Alert!", just to prove my point. You still read it. It's not a spoiler, it's a quote. It's too old a movie to be any good of a spoiler anyway. Ok back to my point. BECAUSE NOTHING IS EVER ENOUGH. Humans are never satisfied, whether it's hunger, attention, money, curiosity, love, sex, name it. Well obvious you don't welcome crap like farts and burbs, you can be not satisfied with them when you don't desire them in the first place. Cause and effect, why do I always get back to that? And dear *God let it rain tomorrow, throw in a dash of lightning if you may, and make it heavy.

Yes, Closer is screwing up my mind. It is screwed up, that's why it's a good movie.

Read this for my definition of God.

BBQ

2005-06-30T15:13:00.000+08:00

BBQ, a common acronym for barbeque, burning meat on a grill. It's been given a new meaning, now fresh from hell with a touch of Hades himself, literally! A cremation, burning corpse in an oven.

I've spent my past 2 sundays performing at the Mandai Crematorium, a complete waste of time if you ask me. With another one, very very possibly, on it's way, I won't be surprised if I achieve a hat trick in funerals! Now known as a BBQ thanks to some really sadistic people living in the world today.

1 more day to SAFDAY. I hope it rains. It doesn't matter that I went for all the God damned rehersals, got sun burned and shit, not to forget the fatique from all the playing and the complete waste of time travelling. Did I not mention that almost every fucking one of those rehersals require me to stay in because it I have to fall in at 6:15 AM thus rendering me with an inadequate amount of sleep (because there's no air-con in bunk and there're tons of mosquitoes, then there're the PS2 and the X-Box)? Whether I'm down for the actual or not doesn't matter to me. I want it to rain so I don't have to be deployed, simple.

I remember it's about this time last year when there was some commotion because we had to go for the rehersals but didn't get to appear on National Day thanks to the reduction in the NS term. I remember being pretty pissed about it. Stupid. Now it's just another tiring parade. When it comes to parades, the lesser the merrier. There's no glory contrary to popular belief, not when you're at every other one of the parades. That's when it doesn't matter.

The next time someone tells me that I should feel proud to be wearing the No. 1 uniform, I'll slap his testicles so hard it comes out through his mouth, that'll shut him up real fine. I wear that darn uniform every month! It's easily stained, heavy and hot even on a rainy day, then there're those shitty buttons and all those accessories which, as the name suggests, serve no real purpose but to give us extra load in exchange for pseudo beauty. Some people look like shit in No. 1, no amount of accessories will change that.

Steven Mead

2005-06-29T09:24:00.000+08:00

I finally got my hands on some of Mead's recordings and I must say, I'm a little disappointed. Don' get me wrong, my decision is not final and is subjected to change if I can hear more of his playing. I haven't heard about Mead until last year, after playing the euphonium for more than 6 years! That's 3 years AFTER I heard of the so called best Trombonist, Christian Lindberg, that's weird considering that I'm a euphonium player.

I had this version of Horovitz euphonium a long long time ago, in fact it's so long ago when I got it that I forgot the source and who the soloist was. I naturally went straight for the Mead version of the piece and it's really kinda disappointing, probably because I expected more of him with all the hype around his playing. I also prefer the interpretation in the old recording I have.

So much for stuff most people wll find boring.

Vittorio Monti
The Italian Vittorio Monti scored the most important success of his professional life with this Hungarian-style Czardas - which was originally composed for either violin or mandolin and piano.

It was soon arranged for all kinds of ensembles, for it epitomises for many people the essence of the old Hungarian dance, with its juxtaposition of fast and slow music. Few people remember Monti today, but everyone will be familiar with his music here - making him a true immortal.

(source)

And here I am nice enough to present you with, non-other than, the euphonium(B.C) score, cause I hate reading eupho scores in T.C. The original one I got was for the Eb Tenor horn and I had to transpose it. I also up it by an octave on certain passages with reference to the trans. by Eric Wilson.

On Higher Moral Grounds

2005-06-27T13:19:00.000+08:00

I'm sick of people that write shit like "I'm not judging you but" or "I'm not saying I'm more moral/ethical than you but" etc.

What the hell is wrong with people who say shit like that? When you judge someone or something, you are obviously putting yourself above them so why bother denying it? When you obviously disapprove of the acts of someone, you obviously think lesser of the person, so why bother to play nice, can I even say that it's nice?, and deny that you're judging from a higher moral ground?

The next time I see anyone say shit like that, I'll let my iguana lose on him/her! It will not be pretty. If you want to judge someone, do it right. Hey! You SUCK! There, what can he not understand?

so jan knows...

2005-06-27T13:06:00.000+08:00

I've been wanting to write this but I'm bounded by a non-disclosure promise I made. But since Janice already knows, it's now safe for me to write this down. Kenneth passed his driving practical and got his QDL a few days ago, congrats to you and to us all. I'd advice you to buy some insurance for you car if you want to let him drive it. He's not the best.

Being the first passenger in his car, I know better than anyone else how careless he is and even though I haven't actually sat in on Zhihui's driving, I can pretty much safely say she's a better driver. I'm not saying Kenneth is all bad, he's got the reflexes but his carelessness is his bane. He left his lights off at night not once but twice! And he's driving a black Lancer!! To say that he almost ran someone down is a understatement!

Rachel, Kenneth's sister: "Good drivers re able to look out for bad drivers."

Well it's probably true unless the bad driver is driving a black car at night with the lights off.

For those that know us, you probably know about our Top 20 list. We don't actually know exactly who's in it since additions are always made to it. So when we say someone is of Top 20 caliber, you know the person is really really ugly. Everytime we go out, we spot a few Top 20 material but the top few are always the same few and that both no. 1's and no. 2's names begin with "C". When Kenneth went to meet his friend after dinner with The Amazing Caves, his friend have with her another friend who's Top 20 material. That's about all I'll disclose for now, you'll understand it once I post some pics of her here, when I get if from Kenneth that is.

some fuck shit

2005-06-23T01:15:00.000+08:00

That's exactly what it is! Fucking A. Something bit my left pinky, at the fucking tip of my left pinky to be exact! And it hurts like a bitch! It doesn't actually hurt if I leave it alone but it gets in the way when I'm typing, I do this a lot in case you haven't already noticed. It's not itchy like a mosquito bite, it just hurts like fuck and it's swelling, but not obviouse cause whatever the size of a swell, it'll always be small on a pinky. Unless of course you decide it's fun to poke me now and I give you an extra segment in you finger which will take some time to heal but when it's done, you'll be one of the few people with more than 3 segments in your fingers. Think of it as a cool thing. Now who wants to poke me now?

You know when you talk shit with everyone, you can't really remember what shit you told who and what fuck conversation you had with who. Happens to me all the time. It's probably a blessing that the shit I talk with people about comes in a various genres so I don't often mix up the stuff you tell me. Then there are some shit that I tell EVERYONE and those are what spawns the most "you already said that".

batman begins

2005-06-19T01:57:00.000+08:00

I'll say it's a pretty fine movie and not as good as some of my friends claim it to be. It's a movie to entertain but the writers aren't very smart if you ask me.

So someone decides to create a hallucinogen that induces fear but only works when inhaled. This someone happens to have an ingenius plan to contaminate the city's water supply with said toxin and at the right time, vapourise the entire city's water network and hence causing the entire city to fall into a state of panick. Seemingly impossible? Well apparently batan's company, Wayne Corp., is into weapon R&D and they created a prototype device that will "vapourise the enemy's water supply" and it got stolen! Said device uses microwaves to accelerate water molecules so they boil, wow impressive elementary science here. Let's assume here that it's in fact possible to make the device target only the water in the pipes and not affect the 70% water in the human body. So the toxin's been leaked into the city's water supply for 2 weeks before the actual execution of the plan. Behold! The greatest loop-hole in the plot that's so in plain sight. The water vapourises, boils whatever, and the victims inhale the water vapour causing them to be affected by the toxin. Apparently, no one, not a single person, boiled water for drinking in the past 2 weeks since no one got affected by the toxin until D-day.

Some of you might start yapping about how I should put a spoiler alert yada yada bullshit right about when you read the first sentence. And if you've read this far, here, you would probably have read the entire "spoiler" which makes me question why you continue reading when you know that it's a spoiler, I believe I made it clear enough, and then decide to point out to me that I should in fact put a "spoiler alert" knowing very well that anyone WILL continue reading, probably with more zest, when shown the words "spoiler alert". It's only human nature to be curious and reverse psychology almost always work!

Which is why I think that someday the internet will be flooded not by porn and pictures of naked women you have to pay to view, but by images of really ugly and hideous looking people where you will pay to not see! Take this for example.

Anyway, as we were heading for supper after the movie, we passed by Oriental and there was this Mercedes roadshow kind of thing going on, and that's when Kenneth spotted this.

As everyone knows, Batman's got this shadow play thing that Gordan shines into the clouds whenever he needs to contact batman. That was what inspired the not very nice Tiger beer ad that stereotypes guys and girls into 1 single category, stupidity. Apparently Singapore's got her share of crime fighting crusaders too. Mercedes MAN! I didn't have a digital camera with me so I had to use Kenneth's phone to take the picture. I had to change some settings, Night Mode and increase the exposure time before I managed to get the image on screen.

stopping time

2005-06-18T14:14:00.000+08:00

If you haven't already seen this in my sidebar(Firefox) or at the bottom(Internet Explorer), you are probably blind. It's real-time by the way, meaning when you see it say that I'm listening to this and that track, I'm in fact at that point of time when the image got loaded, listening to that song. When I'm not listening to anything it just says I have nothing playing.

Was just watching one episode of Initial D Stage 4 and there's this part in it with some mention of time stopping, or the hope that time stops. It's a fantasy everyone have, to stop time at some point of time in life. A fantasy that cannot be reached. Time is an illusion we all experience, time passes because we pass, it moves because we move. When everything in the entire universe comes to a stop, everything right down to the electrons, photons, the quaks and the possible smaller building units of matter we have yet to discover, when all that comes to a standstill, time stops. Time is not another dimension. Well I thought I read about time being an illusion and how it pass because we pass somewhere, it must have been another of Crichton's books. I think it's Timeline, I love Timeline the novel and I hate Timeline the shitty piece of crap movie.

From since I can remember, I've wanted time to stop on multiple occasions. When I first heard Fantasy Variations - that's when I decided to join band, it's the most beautiful piece in the world. When I got my first 4 valve euphonium. When I first played on the Stork. When we performed on stage at the SYF. When we know that we got Gold. When we got into the Top 5. When we are in Australia, all 14 days of it should be recursive. When I got my P2 266. When I got my P4 2.4. When we spent the night together so many years ago when you first jolted my heart. All the times we walked to school together. When I waited for you. When you waited for me. When I first held you hand. When we first embraced. When we sat at the busstop watching all the busses go, refusing to leave. So much I can't remember. It's weird but it appears that almost everything in the past 8 years of my life revolves around DHSSB, everything I reminisce about that is. Perhaps it's sad that every shard of precious memory of mine I hang on so dearly to will never come back ever again.

like money in my pocket

2005-06-18T05:18:00.000+08:00

Mahjiong's a great game, it's a great way to make money for some and for me when I'm in need of cash. Every game you win allows you to lose 3 games without loss assuming you won BIG. Happened to me today, didn't win many games but I still won more than 16 bucks. That's almost the case. It would have been the case in a normal mahjiong game with my usual kahkees but no, this time there's a noob and since she's our friend, we're all obliged to not cheat her off her money, so we played mahjion wrong.

It sucks to know that you could have won so-much money but didn't. Fuck. But nevermind, it was fun anyway. It's also the slowest game of mahjiong ever. 5 hours for 1 round, with only one instance of diao-zeng!! That's just SLOW.

I was playing with 3 girls, mahjiong that is, and for some, it should have been enjoyable. Try sitting in with 3 girls constantly rapping about the hottest gossips in school, who's fucking who, yada yada, and all that you-know-that-hot-guy-i-saw-the-other-day crap. An occasional tinge of intellect in the bimbotic conversation? I think not. Not to forget that one of the 3 was reigning champion for the top 20 list until I saw YunJing. The current throne warmer is Candice. Did I see her at the concert? I try not to.

I went to DHSSB's Rhythm by the way. They are good, I mean REALLY REALLY GOOD! So much for that, there's really nothign much I can comment. Stand by Me is still the last piece to be played, and the nostalgic "3 cheers for BASSES" thing still exists! It was fun. I can almost imagine myself back on that stage playing at my usual seat along with Janice and fatty-short-legs, maybe we should change that to cover-me-up, and all. I want to play there again!! I was just tell Janice how much I miss playing with her a few days ago. Same goes for the rest of the people in my batch of DHSSB graduates.

Adding 2 more Euphonium Solo pieces to my collection, shall source for the scores soon. Now I'll just concentrate on getting blacky's collection of up to 7GB of Band songs in MP3. That's a lot, more than a thousand band music. Fucking insane if you ask me.

Simple Plan - Welcome to My Life

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work
It was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like

To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Yixian, I know you love them, but this is what you get for trying to get out of filming. Can't you so totally imagine a certain throll we all know singing that? Muahaha~!! It'll be the next big thing after Numa-numa!

SM3.5 or Stork Custom 4

2005-06-15T19:45:00.000+08:00

Every month. Every fucking month I find something to buy, to spend my money on. And everytime it's a 1 time buy. I never seem to have trouble finding something I want to buy.

So which will it be? Should I get the Denis Wick SM3.5 or the Stork Custom 4? Fuck. It's like forcing me to choose between a fork and a spoon.

Been pretty busy with various stuff lately. Why is it that all the work comes crashing down on me at the same time?! There's filming, which will probably burn up most of my weekends, SAFDAY rehersals which requires me to stay in and hence wasting me at least 1 night a week and the rest of the nights are spent working on the website project I took. Fucking busy. I almost have to play for this concert too but I successfully tai-chied it away.

My SAF Pledge

2005-06-12T21:09:00.000+08:00

They
members of the Singapore Armed Forces,
Do solemnly and sincerely pledge that
they will always bear true faith and allegiance
to the President and the Republic of Singapore.
They will always support and defend the Constitution.
They will preserve and protect the honour and independence of our country
WITH THEIR LIVES!

magic fingers.

2005-06-12T20:59:00.000+08:00

It appears that after 20 years, I've finally lost it. The magic fingers that makes electronics work at a touch.
It all started 2 days ago when I stupidly decided to try something as simple as renaming a file on my x-box. A simple action it may be but the repercussions are titanic. My X-Box is now rendered useless. Since it's more than a year old, the warranty's already non-existent. I finally decided to go ahead and get myself some Torx screw drivers and pry my way inside the forbidden machine.

I spent an entire afternoon trying every possible solution available and none of it works. For some reason, I backed up my C: but forgot to do the same for the eeprom.bin file located at the same place. Fuck. It would have made everything so much simpler!!

I feel as if I lost a part of me. I had the uncanny ability to make electronical stuff work, I don't have to know what I'm doing, all I had to do is touch, remove a part and replace it at the same location and more often than not, the thing works again. Not this time. I remember a period of time when I was still using my crappy 266 and the thing just freezes at start up before showing anything. I did what I could, open and touch, and it will work again. When my friend encountered the same problem, I told him my solution and he said it's stupid. True enough, there's no theory behind it and no part of it suggests intellect in any way but somehow, it works. My very satisfied friend told me that stupid as my solution sounds, it works.

But now it's gone, my fucking X-Box will not start. It would have been so much easier if I'd bothered to back up more files! DAMNIT! Then there's Microsoft, what the fuck is wrong with them? It's my X-Box once I bought it, why the fuck is it you set a password on MY harddisk which password is stored in a fucking CHIP that couldn't be read unless the harddisk is ACCESSED!!!

Fuck!

Never be replaced

2005-06-06T17:37:00.000+08:00

This song's been bugging me for some time already. What the fuck is wrong with the music industry for allow such junk to be sold for any amount?! It's shouldn't even be downloaded!! Too bad for me, my sis got it and decided it's fun to put it on repeat!

Baby I love you and i'll never let you go
But if I have to boy I think that you should know
All the love we make can never be erase
And i promise you that you will never be replaced

Imagine that on repeat! Over and over and over again! The next time I hear it on repeat, I'll run down to the nearest Vinmart and get myself a heavy wrench so I can smash up whatever device is playing the damn song over and over and over and (insert over and here unlimited times) AGAIN! If you still do not get the gravity of the situation, being the nice me as I always am, I've extracted the chorus part, aka the FUCKING TUNE,of the song which should playback fine one any audio player that supports the MPEG Layer 3 format(mp3), hardware and software alike. Put it on repeat on your player of choice and hit play, sit back and die. Got the idea yet? No?! What are you fucking DEAF?!!! I'm not saying the entire song consists only of the chorus, if that's the case, the chorus wouldn't be the chorus anymore. The nature of the song is such that the entire damn fucking composition consists only of the tune from teh chorus, add in some slight variations in the lyrics, hardly fantastic. Imagine listening tot he crappy nasal voice along with the fucked up composition! It's giving me a fucking headache!

There are times when I think I go overboard to make it a point that others hate what I hate and this is one of those times! *So here's a little something I made. Send the link to people you hate. I can assure you that if that person is like most of the sitting ducks out there that know nuts about what they call "computer stuff" and still uses the bane of browsers, IE, with no pop-up blocker whatsoever. They WILL hate you even more! That little site will also most like crash his/her IE.

A quick fix to it will be to press "Ctrl-Alt-Del" and end task on Internet Explorer. Make that a permanent end if you must and you MUST!

* WARNING! This WILL CRASH your IE if you have no pop-up blocker installed. If you have a shitty computer, it WILL CRASH your computer. Do NOT under any circumstances try to verify my words. You will regret it if you do not believe what I said about the little something I made. After that you'll kick yourself for being stupid since I've already warned you NOT TO CLICK ON THE FUCKING LINK! Remember I'm always right.

FRGT/10

2005-06-05T22:20:00.000+08:00

The memories I keep
Are from a time like then
I put em on paper
So I could come back to them
Someday i'm hoping to close my eyes and pretend
That this crumpled up paper can be perfect again

A small part of Linkin Park's FRGT/10 that I will always remember. It's stuck there, embeded in my head since the first time I heard it. In the 6 lines, I felt a mix of emmotions ranging from nostalgia to regret, resonating with my past, all that's happened to me, all that I felt, everything that I see and everything I hoped to see. I don't even know why I'm writing this, I just felt like it.

Everyone have different channels of expressions, most of us have a few basic ones and many of those are shared and common among people. Number 1 on the list would of course be speech, followed by, most probably, literature. Of course different people have different levels of expression and some are better in expressing their thoughts than others. Then there's art and music. People who are good at expressing their thoughts, whose ideas most find easily understood are often better speakers and writers. Then there're those that not many people understand, most of them are boring as fuck but there's always a small number of these that are just putting forth ideas too controversial for most people to understand and/or accept.

I'm blessed, rare choice of word by me, such that I have quite a number of channels of expression. To speak, to write, to scream, to draw. I have quite an arsenal there don't you think? Then there's the part where I'm spoilt for choice and can't decide what to do, this means I'm either feeling some kind of weird emmotion, say at a weird place in my life, or I'm damn bored. Right now, I'm the latter. I'm staring at the Icarus pic. I did a few days back now, it's just lying there among my pile of books and papers scattered at random across my table top. Sloth is evident in all aspects of my life, everything is secondary to everything, nothing has priority. I'm living life and taking everything that comes and pass. Nothing lingers, nothing gets done. Fuck.

Grisham is a good writer, I like quite a number of his books, he's squirming his way into my list of acknowledged authors. She who wrote Harry Potter, what's her name again?, is not in the list. I've read the beginning of the first Potter book and if Crichton's books are adult pants, her books are used diapers, with shit to go. I don't remember the names of the authors of most of the books I've read so if I remember the name, he's(this is not sexist) got to be good. Generally, I prefer male authors to female ones for cutting straight to the point, no shit, word play and humour not involving flowers and tea parties, and kick-ass names that are realistic and not shit like Mary Poppins. Face it, most of the successful writers I know of are guys. Off the top of my head, some successful female authors are Catherine whatever, my mum reads her books, I don't; Agatha Christie, I hate her books; and who's that who wrote Sweet Valley? A title I remember hating from primary school. There's Jane Jensen, I only know this name because one of her book's staring me in the face from my cupboard, Dante's Equation. It started fine and I thought I finally found another Sci-Fic author worth my 2 cents, other than Crichton, but wham! Half-way through the book, I'm slapped with a ridiculous plot bad science and garbage theories. It's not my fault I don't read what most people classify as thrashy books, porn novels if you ask me. The vivid descriptions I know only from Friends, Chandler's mum writes thrashy novels.

mental in sync

2005-06-04T18:20:00.000+08:00

1 full day of SAFDAY rehersal is enough to get me wasted. Nothing seems right and all I can think of doing is sleep, coming from me, I'm that fucking tired. To be sunburned is one thing, to be fried 2 weeks in a row is another. To know that you'll continue to be fried everyweek for the next few weeks is total mental annihilation!

Then there's waking up with a headache, how is that even possible?! SAFDAY is screwing up my life I tell you. It's not the first time the SAF screwed up my life anyway, it's been doing that for more than a year now.

Yixian's back from Yunan, we fetched her from the airport last night. Her mum said she got darker, I just beg to differ, looks the same to me. *It's a relative thing I guess. Anyway, her family was there too along with her aunt and a little cousin, probably 5 to 6 years of age. The kids, including her teenage sisters, wrote these really sweet, to them, but is in fact really embarassing, to me, welcome "cards" to flash for all to see. Written using a red marker on the back of the pieces of A3 paper found on the Burger King trays. They were are really happy and glad that she's back, not that I'm not, and they were all showing off their welcome "cards" with zest!

So I said to Kenneth, what's more embarassing than a 5 year old doing that? That being the flashing of the welcome notes and jumping up and down. And like always, he knew what I was thinking and promptly answered, a 20 year old doing that.

That's just one of the many examples of our brains working in sync. We went on to watch shows at yixian's place and just before we left, there was this stupid taiwanese variety show on TV showing some twins along with the stupid host trying to make a fool out of himself by suggesting that twins are psychics.

Twins are often fundamentally different, as far as I know of, not many, and although they may be alike when they're young, they soon grow to want to be unique and different from the other. Or perhaps some twins really do know alot obout the other and are able to quote the likes and dislikes of each other. Does thsi prove that they are psychic? No. I'll just use me and Kenneth as an example. We're not related by blood in anyway, just friends that hang out a lot for a long time. Things we do include completing each other's sentences, saying the same thing for the first time at the same time, having the same thoughts and comments about a certain subject. We don't know gay stuff what our favourite colours are and if you grill us on what we know about each other, we really have not much to say. But when given a situation or a loser to make fun of, that's when you see our real "psychic" abilities. It happens because we think along the same train of thought making us arrive at the same conclusions most of the time. We also think at the same rate, meaning our brains permutate, evaluate and eliminate possibilities at the same pace. So we often arrive at the same conclusion at the same time. This works only for impromptu situations, given time our thoughts will deviate and we will have vast differences in our opinions of various subjects. It's nothing to do with being psychic, it's being in sync at the mental level.

*For the benefit of those that didn't get it. This is a pun. I'm implying that her mum noticed that she got darker because she's family, I'm also implying that I didn't think so because I myself got a lot darker thanks to SAFDAY and kayaking. Damn it's not cool when I worry about people not getting my word play.

Icarus

2005-05-31T23:13:00.000+08:00

I finally drew something, after a long long time. It's a random character I created for the sake of drawing something. It's been too long since I last drew so I figured it's high time I start again.

0.5 mech. pencils for draft and 005 Microns for lines. Photoshop CS 2 for hue and frame. I'm so lazy I didn't even erase the pencils off, you can probably see them if you look carefully. I may ink this if I have the time or, more importantly, the zest to do stuff. It took me faster than expected to come up with a name for this piece.

Remember that story about this father and son who wanted to fly and so they made wings by attaching feathers to their body with wax? The son Icarus flew too close to the sun and the wax holding the feathers together melted causing him to fall to his death.

I'd say this is a pretty appropriate title for a pilot of something, most probably something that flies, who looks bored, dejected, sian.

Click on the image to see a higher res. version.

Longshore Drift

2005-05-29T14:00:00.000+08:00

Ring any bells already? It's from Sec. 3 Geography. How is it that I get crappy results when I can remember so much of the shit I learnt? (Read Comments) The system is wrong I tell you, most of the people with better results than me can't remember shit! Back to my point. Longshore drift, something I didn't really care 2 hoots about until yesterday, is the culprit behind my, currently, really really red skin.

We all know that mother nature is not someone to mess with, unless you're burning her bugs for leisure, so we all take measures to ensure our safety even when doing inane things like kayaking. I like kayaking, it's fun. What's not is when it's done in the middle of the day, the prime of Apollo himself, with clouds everywhere but above us and the fucking tide coming in! Then there's the blasted longshore drift I mentioned so many times. Resulting from the currents hitting the shore at an angle, it creates a false impression on us. Us as in Me, Kenneth, Grace and Terese.

We started at Costa Sands East Coast where Bedok Jetty is not far to our left. My rule of if-you-can't-see-it-it's-not-there didn't catch on fast enough for the rest, Kenneth actually, and so we went seeking for the pseudo kelong we went to many fucking years ago! Now that I have more time to recall, that was Costa Sands Pasir Ris for crying out loud!! So we paddled out to sea, the tide is still relatively low at this time, 12:15 PM, and we're still fresh from not much paddling. It didn't take long for someone, Terese, to start whining but we already paid for 2 hours and were determined to make the most out of our cash. Didn't take long for us to give up on the non-existing kelong too. So we stopped and just let the kayaks drift.

The water is littered with shit, garbage everywhere, the only one stupid enough to jump in was, well, Kenneth. He did not stay there for long. By this time, waves of nausea were hitting me like guys on Janice, or flies on troll for that matter. Advice, don't go kayaking during high tide without having eaten anything. I spent a good 10 to 15 minutes fighting the puke that's forcing their way up my gullet. I didn't puke in the end, so sad for the fishes else they'd get a treat or a threat.

Thanks to the waves, we're all feeling sick and decided it's time to start moving and getting back to shore. We have about an hour left which we'd gladly give up. This is when we all came to the consensus of where the fuck are we?! A hell lot closer to shore but where? We're close to the Big Splash based on land marks on the beach. While paddling in the general direction of our destination, I noticed that we passed Parkway, shit. Turns out we drifted a LOT! I mean A FUCKING LOT! It took use a good whole hour of almost non-stop paddling before we get back to Costa Sands.

The reason is simple, longshore drift, only this time, instead of drifting with it, we're paddling AGAINST it. Progress was slow and it's fucking tiring, not to forget the midday sun and the fucking clouds that seem to have developed a distaste for us considering that they formed a halo AROUND us, not very helpful if it's shelter we seek.

Me and Grace were roasted, Kenneth got frost-bite, only his nose was red, and Terese was, well, just Terese. Next time we're just going to Kenneth's place to swim.

MSN Skin

2005-05-29T12:09:00.000+08:00

Comes with 6 colour schemes. Works with MSN 7. Build 8013,Latest public version as of when this is written. Shown here with me telling Grace how much my MSN rocks more than hers.

Other than skinning, this also patches MSN 7 with the following optional options.

-Polygamy (Open Multiple Instances of MSN 7) *tsk *tsk Janice.

-Mess.be Custom Games

-Unlimited Nudge

-Nudge protection, irritated by excess nudge no more.

-Removes file X-fer protection, whatever the fuck this does. I think it's for sending unallowed file types like *.exe fiels.

-Remove Contact list ads.

Get it Here!

Soccer :: Sport/Obsession?!

2005-05-26T18:34:00.000+08:00

Liverpool wins AC Milan in this morning's, my local time, match of the Champions League finals. Surprise that I know? You have all the reasons to be. I'm not a sports person, I like to stay in doors where I can sit on my couch and watch TV all day, ok that's not all I do but you get the idea. How is it that someone like ME can know such news? How about this, I stop playing 1945 Strikers 2 on the PS2 sometime after 1 am last night, because of an immense itch on my right middle finger, insect bite. I go to sleep like anyone would at 1 am and then at around 3 to 4 am, I don't know which since I'm asleep, I was awaken by a combination of a heavy down-pour, violent winds and screaming! I would probably have thought that someone got soaked in his sleep or was forced with powder or what ever had I not listen carefully, the screaming is from not one but a few sources but they all echo the same word, GOAL.

Fucking insane if you ask me. up to 22 men running around a huge, by my standards, field after a ball trying to get it into their opponents' net. The rules are pretty simple, no weapons, no running too far into enemy territory, no hands, coloured cards rule. I seriously do not understand why people are so obsessed with it.

I don't remember soccer being so "hot" when I was young, before soccer betting was legalised, then again I was probably too young to know anyway. Perhaps that is the driving force behind this "sport". Money. But this only explains the obsession of those who watch but don't play soccer. Why do people play soccer and enjoy it? To run around, get tired and dirty, be pushed and kicked if you're unlucky. I can never understand why people put themselves through all that.

Then there're those soccer games they come up with for various consoles. Winning Eleven, Fifa, etc. W? T? F? I tried playing it, I fared ok for someone who never played the actual sport and I must say, it's fun!

So what is driving force behind this "game"? It didn't take me long but I soon found the real cause for soccer obsession. Like all ball games, soccer uses, you guessed it, a ball. Invented first by, the greatest lover of balls, men! Then there's the kicking and I brings me back to those pre-ten year old days where it's fun to be kicking other's testicles. Yes guys do that kind of shit for fun, I'm surprised a large number of us are still alive. A blow, not "that" kind, in the nether regions can be excruciatingly painful. So it all traces back to our carnal instincts. To win. To kick his balls!

Arrogant Fuck

2005-05-23T21:09:00.000+08:00

I can't help but post again. This is a RANT. Before we start, read this, or at least the first post by breadboy for that matter.

Done? Ok.

Arrogant Fuck! Just as the title of this post suggests, that's exactly how I feel about breadboy. He cracks me up with his bullshit and pissed me off at the same time. To have a non-piano player like me so worked up about a piece and instrument I hardly know is like divine intervention!

Let's just say the people that post in that piano forum are just too fucking nice. If I had the qualifications, I'd shut him up nice and fast with a cheap grade school size piano with no more than 50 keys through his head. Some people are just too fucking arrogant and nothing shuts these up faster and more effectively than physical dominance. On a side note, I think breadboy is fat. Like Scott from American Idol 4. Never liked him cause he's fat and he's arrogant to go. Getting the same feel from breadboy here. He probably thinks Fantasie is easy cause he can press 2 keys with 1 finger. Him having hands that weigh significantly different due to varied fat concentration levels probably aided him in the 3-4 on the left hand and right hand respectively. He tries to move both hands at the same speed but because his left hand is heavier, it's more lathagic and hence he achieved the effect of the 3-4. Fat Bastard.

Chopin

2005-05-23T19:51:00.000+08:00

I try to limit my writing to about 1 post a day so as not to overwhelm reader(s) since I've been constantly reminded to write less. There's also the fact that I don't have stuff to write about sometimes so I should in fact save some stuff for rainy days. Not happening.

Nothing screams ownage on the piano like Chopin's Fantasie Impromptu. I may not know much about the piano since I don't know how to perform on it, anyone can play a piano, making music with it is another thing. So even with my limited knowledge of said instrument, I KNOW fora fact that this is THE PIECE that OWNZ. Anyone who can perform it and play it well MUST be good at piano. I'm also confident that pretty much EVERYONE's heard it before thanks to, surprise?, Nokia. It was one of the first default polyphonic ringtones and come packaged with many Nokia phones. Because of that, I get to hear ah-bengs curse at their phones when they hear this superb classical piece. Interesting irony.

Written by Chopin, one of the few classical composers I know of so he must be good, whom I rank amongst Beethoven, Bach & Mozart, pretty much ALL the classical composers I know. Then there's Schubert whom I know only by name thanks to one of those TV Innovations commercials I saw on, duh, TV back in primary school. Everyone knows that Chopin owns the piano, some call him *TEH MASTER. I acknowledge Chopin as the master based on Fantasie Impromptu alone.

Then there's the mistake, even I, made when I first saw the word Chopin. Many people, in fact most, without any knowledge of Chopin will say Chopin(Show-pun) as Chopin(Chop-pin). I why I mention this is, well, for the sake of bringing this up.

I'm fortunate to know, not 1 but, a few very talented friends who are able to play the piece, of which 2 can play it from memory! There's Fontane, my favourite moled friend; Qinyong, a guy from my primary school that I remember as one who does weird algebra no one understands but yields results; Zhihan, 1st trombone player from SAFBAND B; Yixian, my most holy of friends.

*I wrote THE as TEH for effect. People often type teh instead of the, a common transpositional error when one types too fast indicating excitment.

almost lost

2005-05-23T11:22:00.000+08:00

My mum almost threw away a bulk of my toys! MY TOYS! Jesus! Thank God my Dad asked me if I wanted them so I went to take a look. DAMN RIGHT I WANT THEM! I see at least $300 worth of toys in there, at a glance! I made some grave mistakes when I shifted to my current home and I'm not about to make them again!

Some might know, I threw away a Starscream, the old one! Not those new fakes you commonly find at Action City! An X-wing! Who am I kidding? I got it at the time when they "digitally enhanced" the Starwars Trilogy, I would've been too young to know anything about starwars if it's any earlier. I'll kill myself before even trying to comprehend how much this is worth! Inferno from Beast Wars, I don't think this is worth much but it's cool and I like him and his spinning-rotor ass!

Persona

2005-05-22T16:51:00.000+08:00

To realise that there are people out there that remember you when you have absolutely no idea who they are is, well, interesting. 8 years might seem to be a long time to some, it's pretty damn long if you ask me, so it's really amazing that after 8 fucking years, a gathering involving the people of my primary school days can happen. How the organisers managed is beyond me. Who? is probably the most spoken word by me in the last 24 hours. I also experienced the MOST thinking and recollection I ever did in a long time. It's probably nostalgic for some and I guess I should feel the same but it's really hard to be reminiscing when all my energy and psychic abilities are devoted to trying to remember who those people are.

I realised that as much as I want to believe, I do not have as good a memory as I thought. I have virtually no memory of stuff that happened to me 8 years ago, what's worst is that close to half of my class went to DHS after RSS and I seriously do not remember seeing them much, if not at all. I think I'm more antisocial than Kenneth now. A sudden slap in the face I must say.

I stayed over at Qinyong's together with Tony doing not much catching up since there's really nothing much to say. Even after 8 years, it wasn't weird or anything so I guess some people might say, it's like time stops. It's inevitable that we talk about troll since he was from my class and I'm quite surprise I must say. I guess not everyone are bastards who shun him for his differences. They pointed out that he's someone who's really sincere and how fake people are sometimes. I actually felt a pang of guilt but we all agree that no one can help him if he doesn't help himself and change.

I'm not sure if most people who are "fake" realise they are being "fake" in the first place. I would say that everyone's got multiple personas projecting to different groups of people the person they think would be most accepted by them. It's very much human nature since we have such complex social structures and weird ass mentalities. So I wouldn't conclude that the people from 8 years ago are still the same, just that they are projecting the image most similar to that they projected 8 years ago. Me? I'm different, I can't remember what I'm like 8 years ago but judging from the reactions of the people there, I pretty much did a good job. Then there are those that are real assholes and they really ARE fake. Backstabbing is a norm to these and I'm pretty sure none of these are my friends.

If you're planning on catching Starwars Episode 3, be warned that it's not a movie for someone without a minimal of 7 hours of sleep, any less and it becomes a lullaby. It's not that exciting and it's definately way overated. Way WAY WAYYY OVERATED. I'll probably write them a good review if I was given a cool limited edition/FX light sabre since I'll be busy playing with my new kick-ass toy and not concentrating on the film. Didn't happen.

Readability Update

2005-05-21T15:36:00.001+08:00

If you haven't noticed already, the link to the readability test page I put up some time ago is down now due to bandwidth issues, I've been crippled by the lack of it and my constant need to gauge my writing ever since. I finally found time to source the web for an alternative of that page and after about half an hour and a couple of queries, I finally found it. Here it is, another Readability Test. It's not as comprehensive as the other page but with what I'm about to write, it just might become better.

I'll work with an example, of this page of course(before this post was posted that is).
The results:

readability grades:
 Kincaid: 4.6
 ARI: 4.1
 Coleman-Liau: 8.0
 Flesch Index: 85.5
 Fog Index: 7.5
 Lix: 27.8 = below school year 5
 SMOG-Grading: 7.8
sentence info:
 56159 characters
 13877 words, average length 4.05 characters = 1.28 syllables
 1066 sentences, average length 13.0 words
 45% (490) short sentences (at most 8 words)
 15% (170) long sentences (at least 23 words)
 96 paragraphs, average length 11.1 sentences
 6% (74) questions
 33% (360) passive sentences
 longest sent 119 wds at sent 399; shortest sent 1 wds at sent 8
word usage:
 verb types:
 to be (474) auxiliary (246)
 types as % of total:
 conjunctions 5(633) pronouns 13(1845) prepositions 10(1403)
 nominalizations 1(115)
sentence beginnings:
 pronoun (310) interrogative pronoun (35) article (67)
 subordinating conjunction (49) conjunction (17) preposition (38)

If you ask me, it pretty much blew me away. With reference to my previous post, "Ease of reading" is the same as "Flesch Index" while "Fog Index" is, well, "Fog Index". So you can conclude that this new test page provides results from more readability tests!
Comparing the results, the ease of reading this page increased without compromising the content, in fact, the Fog index upped by 0.01! Hah! In your face whoever! To make sure that the increase is not because of the different tests, I did the test on the new page with a few other sites I did it on before.

Results:

| Falls on Me |
Old:
Flesch Reading Ease: 77.28
Fog Index: 6.30

New:
Flesch Index: 86.2
Fog Index: 6.3

u're as bored as me...
Old:
Flesch Reading Ease: 85.34
Fog Index: 5.42

New:
Flesch Index: 81.2
Fog Index: 7.9

As you can see, |Falls on Me| also witnessed a rise in readability without any compromise in content. However, u're as bored as me... got a slight drop in readability with a significant increase in content, a good sign if you ask me.

Need $$$

2005-05-21T00:22:00.000+08:00

It's fustrating, being poor and all that shit. I hate it that I can't buy what I want, it's worst when I want everything! Damn you toy shops of the world! I'm in serious need of cash, staying in is working out fine but it's starting to feel like my spending is postponed to the weekends, not a good sign.

I'm in constant need of cash and constantly complaining about the lack of it doesn't help at all, in case you haven't already noticed. I need ANOTHER job. Geez. I've been thinking of various ways of making money actually, most of which would be branded with stupid or lame. See, I'm someone that doesn't like to do things I hate doing unless it involves volumes of cash or tits... or toys, yeah how can I leave that out? Quite a number of my friends give tuition to some random kids they chance upon somehow, it's cool and it's a virtually zero capital business venture, more often than not, a 10-year-series is all that's needed, which the kid buys(credited to Kenneth because I know he lives on credits.). I can teach tuition, if the said subject is something I can remember, something I do not have distorted views on, something I took in school. Seems pretty simple eh? Then why the hell is it that I can't seem to think of a suitable topic to make money from? Because I'm lazy. Ah! I see.

Then there are the kind of stuff normal people do not get tuition for. Stuff like art, computer stuff( this 2 words will pretty much sum up what most people know about the fascinating box with a screen that let's you play games, surf the net, and get to know psuedo girlfriends, read this, etc.), music, humour.

Now let's break this down, beginning with art. As much as I think art is cool, teaching it is not. Face it, art teachers are, more often than not, old farts that know shit about art. Children, we will paint something today. Stupid, the kids already know that. You can't teach art, parents who think sending their kids for art lessons will make their kids artistic should just stop! If your kid suck at art, no amount of lessons will make him good at it. Ultimately art, to me that is, I don't know about you, is about creativity and you can't learn how to create something that you haven't made yet. You can be taught techniques to improve your art allowing you to further express yourself through art but not art itself. Since I do not believe in teaching art, I can't TEACH it.

Alternatively, I can teach people how to use the scary omnipotent gizmo called the computer. Technically, everything with a microchip in it is a computer. A calculator is a computer, your washing machine is a computer, hell the handphone you can't live without is a computer. So when I say teach someone how to use a computer, I mean teaching someone how to use the operating system of a particular processing system more commonly known as the PC. If said person needs lessons, chances are the person is

1. Stupid
2. Old
3. Stupid
4. All of the above

It doesn't' take much of an idiot to use the computer, when you move the thing called the mouse, the arrow on screen is supposed to move, there's no tiny person in the monitor playing puppets or shadow games. When you can't get the computer to start, turn on the power switch. Your photoshop doesn't work because you have to install it first. You will not get hacked if you turn off your firewall, if a hacker wants to hack your computer, none of the firewalls you are using will do any good. No, computers do not come with porn. Do you even know what's a DNS is? Can you imagine how fustrated I will be if I ever get to this business? I'll spawn a hell lot of angry stupid people who refuse to believe they are stupid.

Then there's music, to narrow it down, I can probably teach some kids how to play the euphonium, more commonly known as the saxophone to a lot of people out there. If I want to, I can teach the trombone, more commonly known as the saxophone to a lot of people out there, since it's pretty much the same as the euphonium. In the worst case scenerio, I can teach the tuba, more commonly known as the saxophone to a lot of people out there, since it's like a bigger less nicer sounding version of a euphonium, more commonly known as the saxophone to a lot of people out there. Notice my fustration already? No? Stupid. Everything that makes a sound in the band, other than the drums, is called the saxophone, it's the only instrument in the band if you ask most people out there.

Finally I get to humour. I don't actually mean humour, you can't teach humour, some people are born boring, destined to rot in geek land playing scrabble and reading their all important self-help books. I should not have used the word humour in the first place, but I figured it'll get your attention as to how much of a pompus ass I am by thinking I'm funny. I'm not being sarcastic, this is how I talk.

There you have it, I can't teach anything. But that shouldn't stop you from seeking me out if you have cash to spare, afterall, nobody can teach if the student can't learn, so be nice and filter out the stupid people if you want me to be teaching anything.

There is however 1 thing I can do. I'll probably need help from Kenneth with this, which I think he will gladly agree to, and we'll split it 50:50. We offer the service known as "Mental Annihilation". We had a successful virgin project which ended really well for us so if you would like to do something similar to someone you hate, you can seek us out in private to discuss the details and be assured that your identity will be kept confidential from everyone that matters we will be bounded by non-disclosure laws.

Zhijun: Are you going to the bookdrop? (at Orchard Library)

Jude: yah.

Zhijun: Can I drop the books for you?

Jude: ... if it's that important to you sure...

As Zahid would say, "WTF man WTF!". He actually says "double-you tee aft".

Zhijun: I want to watch Starwars Episode 3 for Jar-jar.

The 3 kinds of friends.

2005-05-19T19:39:00.000+08:00

A week of staying in, not bad, I had more sleep, probably and that's about it. Shitty. When I don't travel around, I don't see much interesting things so to say so I don't have much to complain or criticise. So the most interesting thing that happened's probably...

Me: I have 2 kinds of friends, chio-bus and bastards.

Nicholas: I swear Grace is not your friend can?

Me: Damn. I have 3 kinds of friends.

I will do ___ for you.

2005-05-15T17:37:00.000+08:00

It's officially 5 days after pay day and I have about 25 more days before my next paycheck comes in. To say that I spend too much is an understatement, I spend too fucking much for anyone's good. I spent close to a hundred on payday itself buying another 512MB of RAM for my PC and a condom for my Shuffle, then it took no more than 3 days for me to dive into another huge purchase, I spent 70 bucks on a Model Kit. Can you blame me? It's the Freedom MASTER GRADE! It's THE MODEL KIT! So I'm guessing you can safely conclude that I DO NOT and is unfortunately UNABLE to NOT SPEND TOO MUCH. It's a disease I tell you, to be overcome by the desire for material so much that it deludes my foresight! I do not see myself having MONEY for the rest of the month! It's that bad.

So here's my, probably futile, attempt to put my foot down on spending less.
1. I'll stay in and have instant noodles for dinner, and probably kill myself in the process.

2. Bring to camp a bulk of my X-box games to keep myself IN CAMP.

3. Bring blades, paints, brushes, sprays, stuff that gets Thomas high, to fix my MASTER GRADE in camp.

4. Lower the number of cups of tea I buy a day to 1 or 2. Might not seem like much but I drink a LOT of caffine.

Well, that's about it, chances are I will STILL be spending too much so knowing the perfect me, I have my back-up plans. I will volunteer to do stuff FOR YOU! Yes you got that right, for a limited time only I, me! watashi! will do stuff for you! You are required to come look for me when you want whatever stuff done. So here goes.

I will SPEND YOUR MONEY for you. Simple eh? YOu have too much cash to spare so you hire me to spend it on myself! Simple perfect solution.

I will BE THE PASSENGER IN YOUR CAR! You get to have me in you car while you chauffeur me around! How cool is that?

I will EAT YOUR MEALS. That's right! You can have all the kick-ass left overs when I'm done with the good stuff. It's a great way for you to slim down and savour every bit of my bastard nature!

I will CHARGE YOU FOR READING THIS! Now this has got to rock! If you are reading this, you'd have crossed the hundred word free trial read limit and for that I'll be charging you an unreasonable, to you, yet highly profitable, to me, amount! The bill I'll attached at the bottom of this page and for a limited time only, you will NOT be charged for reading the words in the bill! Now is that a deal or what?

I will GAMBLE WITH YOU in a game "YUANQIN ALWAYS WINS!" With a minimum bet of $50, I will soon have EVERYTHING you own! kick ass!

Finally, I will TAX you for reading. In my text, I rule and my texts says that the TAXES here are no more than 359% I can assure you that no where ELSE in the world can you find such high taxes, it's exclusive to here and that's what makes it kicks so much ass!

The Bill

Total Words: 569
Free Words: 100
Payable Words: 469
Taxes(359%): 2000, rounded up next closest thousand.
To pay: $1234.50 (wow! this IS unexpected.)
To tip: $5432.10

Bill is free.

Starwars Origami

2005-05-11T23:08:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty high on origami now, all thanks to the next installment in the Starwars saga.
I'll have to start way back in primary school, probably primary 4 (10 years old), it might be 3, I dunno. That was when I made my first X-wing. At that time, all I wanted was something that's got 4 wings and a fuselarge, I probably didn't know it as the fuselarge at that time, just the plane body. Unfortunately for me, I lost that version of the X-wing along with a huge chunk of how I made it, which sucks, it was cool and from that I made the Tydirium, which looks more like what it's supposed to look like, my old X-wing wasn't very X-wingy.

I would say it's around primary 5 (11 years old) when I first created the base of great number of my original plane creations. That base kicks so much ass for a simple reason, I made it. By base I actually mean the very first version of the plane I created. It evolved over time and I made a great deal of other shit from it. Off the top of my head, the "Independance Day Alien attacker ship", I have 2 versions of this. Then there's the Star Destroyer, my version is not like any of those found online when u google for starwars origami, it's not flimsy, hollow and easily crushed, it's the REAL thing. I'll get a picture of it up when I can.

Now on to the main thing, the X-wing. Actually I made a Tie Interceptor too but, unfortunately for me, I saw a lot of other more accurate versions of it online, more accurate and a hell lot easier to make, crap. So here it is, the X-wing. It's my 3rd version actually, my 2nd version was made yesterday and it kicks ass too but when I put it beside this one, it became shit so I decided it'll never be seen anymore.

View 1:

View 2: From the top.

I really need to get a Digicam, can you believe I don't have 1? ME! As in ME! I don't have one! That's like Anakin without his lightsabre!! I'll post nicer looking pics when I can. I tried to make them clearer but Gimp SUCKS and I'm too lazy to switch to Windows for 2 crappy pictures.

Me: Eh, are you good at origami?

Arthur: erm, not really, I only know how to make cranes. why?

Me: I ROCK at it!

Arthur: don't bluff. what did you make?

Eat that! Do not be mistaken, I really have nothing against this Arthur, it's just that I saw these few cranes on his table, he's a clerk by the way, made using coloured paper. He did put me on 3 week end duties in a row. hmmm.

Pest Control

2005-05-09T23:24:00.000+08:00

The recent few days of rain have brought upon my bunk in camp a whole new breed of nuisance. 1. They shouldn't be new to anyone and I'm pretty damn sure no one likes them. 2. They are black and they swarm in great numbers, 3. sometimes they even stink! 4. You can't really see them at night unless they are under a bright light source. Now let's do some mind reading, ME reading YOUR mind. What I'll do is to try to reconstruct your train of thought. I've carefully crafted this list into a paragraph, no line breaks, such that it appears to be only a chunk of text. When you read the first sentence, you have mentally prepared yourself to be bombarded by me whining a lot, rendering this sudden mind reading "thing" a sudden shift in pace and totally unexpected. After reading 1, you've more or less established that I'm going to bitch about something and/or someone that is commonly seen in Singapore. At 2, my emphasis on the word black led you to brainstorm for things that are of said colour that are common in Singapore. These "things" are a common sight in Singapore. At point 3, you've confirmed to yourself that I hate the subject to the core and they do not smell good. Point 4 only furthur enforces point 2 leading you to think that the fact that the subject is black is of great importance. And indeed it is. Knowing me and my "pseudo" racist nature, plus your in born racism, you would probably come to the conclusion that the subject is a minority group in Singapore. The fact that one of the reasons for this nuisance is the rain these few days would have completely slipped your mind for 2 reasons, 1) it's not numbered as a point, 2) you led too far off track to remember. If at this point, you still do not know what I'm getting at, I'll be kind and spell it out for you. You think I'm talking about Banglas!

You are wrong, I'm actually talking about those fucking flying ants that are really becoming a pest these days, not that they weren't in the past, they're just more of a pest now. If you want to see an insect graveyard, kindly proceed to Band B bunk 1. The floor is littered with bug carcasses. I was in bunk watching TV, minding my own business refusing to care about the lesser intelligent critters making their way into the room. It was irritating but tolerable until about 7 plus in the evening. That's when the sun just set and the lights in my bunk transformed into homing beacons for those fucking bugs in an instant. One minute I was watching TV, the next I'm up on my feet swatting those fucking bugs off my body.

I was at the apex of my irritant meter, that's when I decided to do something about the bugs. It took a while but it was well worth the effort. The bugs stopped bugging me for the rest of the night more or less. As suggested by my use of the word graveyard in the above paragraph, the bugs that pissed me off died, perished. I will now impart onto you, the gift of how to get rid of those bugs.

You must first stop the bugs from coming in, close all the windows doors in the room, make sure no new bugs can come in. But what if some of them want to get out? you say. I say we kill them else it won't be fair to those that will definately die from pissing me off. At this point, you will notice that even though they are equiped with wings, they are not great in the flight department, they are after all ants, so get a cloth or simply a dirty t-shirt, whichever is readily available.

Swing!
Swipe the cloth at anything you see airborne. Even if the cloth doesn't hit the flying fucker, the displaced air will cause the weak flyers to get grounded for a while. This is crucial as most of the little fuckers WILL still be flying around.

Stomp!
Step on those fucking things, they crunch and ooze fluids sometimes, this is the most basic and fastest way to kill them.

Drown!
Pour water on them so they stay grounded, struggle and exhaust themselves to death. They might drown too.

Boil!
Get a mug of boiling water and pour a little of it on those grounded fuckers. They die in an instant. No ooze.

Freeze!
This is not as effective as boil but it's an alternative if you don't have a boiler but got a water cooler around. Bugs are cold blooded meaning they take the temperature of their surroundings. They are more lethargic when they are cold hence easier to kill. This can also be a follow through action for boil if the bug is hardy and didn't die from boil. This hot-cold combination would most definately finish it off.

Soap!
This is great if you see bugs in the bath. works on cockcroaches, the hardiest of critters. These fuckers can round around headless for 2 weeks before they die, or so I was told. If it works on roaches, it works on any bug there is. This is best achieved with liquid soap, more commonly known as shower foam. Shampoo works damn fine too. Use drown on the big to keep it grounded, then squeeze some liquid soap on it, be sure to completely cover the abdomen area at least. That's where bugs breath from, their ass. This way, the liquid soap will clog up the breathing holes suffocating them at the least. If not, the soap will get into the bug's system and poison it. Soap is also more viscous than water making it impossible for the bug to break away with flight.

Now back to mind reading. I'm writing this here because some words in my explaination above are tools used to mislead you. When you look at this page, what catches your eyes would be the bold yellow words, that is your first impression of what I'm writing about. Cheers.

Major Revamp

2005-05-07T01:32:00.000+08:00

If it's the first time you're here, chances are it's not, disregard this.
As you should have noticed unless you're a complete idiot, I did some major restructuring. I'm hoping that by breaking this place down Maddox style, I'll make this place more readible. To not overwhelm the reader with words, that's what I'm trying to achieve here. Hope it's working. Plus this way I can add music to specific pages only which is good.

PS: It was a bitch to reorganise some image posts posted using hello. The absence of a title in those posts screw up my layout, so I had to manually group some of them. I'm never using hello again. I'm switching to Flickr! It's a few steps more but it's way better than reorganising image posts all the time.

Firefox Bandwidth SuSE

2005-05-06T00:27:00.000+08:00

Ok here's the deal. There IS background music to this page now. I put it there because I like it, if you don't drop dead, wait that's Kenneth's line. If you don't, you are wrong.

So if by any chance you don't hear it, here are a few things you can do.

1. Wait.
2. Use Firefox and then wait.
3. Stop downloading porn for a second.
4. Get a faster connection.
5. Get SuSE linux if you kick ass like me.
6. Install the flash player plugin when you're prompted to. This you don't get but you click yes for all the spyware?!

It's supposed to play as it loads but I guess I didn't quite do it right. May fix that at a later time.